


Shouting Lies Across Seas of Misunderstanding

by Rose_the_Hat



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alpha Jared, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mpreg, Omega Jensen, Pregnant Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2014-10-09
Packaged: 2018-02-20 13:08:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2429999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rose_the_Hat/pseuds/Rose_the_Hat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At the tender age of twelve Jensen unexpectedly went into heat and was the victim of a brutal attack, the result of which was pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage. Twenty years later Jensen is happily married to his Alpha Jared Padalecki. For the past several months they have been trying for a child only to be dealt with false hopes and ultimately the devastating news that Jensen is unlikely to conceive. A moment of passion changes everything but will a few misspoken words rip away everything Jensen has ever wanted?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the 2014 spnmpregbb. This is my first time writing Mpreg. Hopefully it doesn’t suck too much. This plot bunny had legs and hit the ground runnin’.
> 
> This is my first time writing extensively in an A/B/O ‘verse (and Mpreg!). For the purposes of this AU Alphas have knots and are taller/stronger, Betas are regular folk, and Omegas (males and females) go into heat and Omega males can carry children.

May 1991 

Jensen Ackles and his friends Tommy Welling, Mikey Rosenbaum, and Jason Manns burst through the doors of their elementary school, the early summer breeze blowing their hair back. They were cheering; ecstatic that school was over and they were free for the next three months. They made for the playground instead of heading home. Tommy and Mikey went to the merry-go-round, getting it to top speed before hopping on. Jason and Jensen opted for the monkey bars, clambering up to watch Tommy and Mikey 

“You feeling any better?” Jason asked peering at Jensen as their legs dangled between the rungs.

Jensen shrugged. He had been feeling at little off for the last week or so, couldn’t quite pin down a symptom exactly. He just felt off, but not bad in a way that he wanted to tell his parents and get them worried. “They aren’t gonna be happy ‘til they break something,” Jensen said indicating Tommy pushing the merry-go-round as Mikey hung from the center bar, feet and legs dangling over the edge. 

“Probably gonna pop their knots this summer. They have that daredevil alpha thing goin’ on.”

Jensen looked over at his friend, quiet and smart, with dark hair and blue-grey eyes. “Think we’ll all still be friends in junior high?” That had been weighing on Jensen’s mind the closer they got to summer vacation, and now that it was here he couldn’t keep his worry to himself. Though he was excited to be starting junior high in the fall, things seemed to be changing too fast and Jensen wondered if they would ever be like this again, this happy and carefree. Soon enough they would be in high school, they would go through their changes and present as either Alpha, Beta, or Omega. The idea was as overwhelming as it was exciting and Jensen wasn’t sure he was ready, though his friends seemed to be. Tommy and Mikey were thirteen and Mikey’s voice was starting to crack and Tommy was getting taller.

Jason shrugged. “Alphas, Betas, and Omegas can be friends, Jensen, you know that.”

“Yeah, but…” The hard truth was that most tended to stick with their own, having more in common. Mikey and Tommy seemed to have tired of the merry-go-round and had moved to the teeter-totter; going at it too fast and hard, trying to bounce the other off the wooden seat. Fearful excited whoops echoed across the empty playground each time one went soaring up and the other came crashing down. Jensen wondered if one of them wouldn’t end up breaking their tailbone. If that happened Jensen could imagine the fun they would have teasing the injured party for having broken their ass. The thought made him grin.

“Who’s to say we won’t be Alphas too? Never know with biology, do you?”

“Well, I know I won’t be an Alpha. Not with a Beta father and Omega mother, and Josh is Beta. No Alpha genes in our family.”

“Your grandfather is an Alpha, besides there’s nothing wrong with being a Beta or Omega.”

“Why are you dorks just sitting there?” Mikey shouted as he went up.

“Yeah! Next year no recess! This is the last time we’re going to be able to play on this playground, take advantage of it, losers!” Tommy’s end of the teeter-totter was on the ground and holding Mikey up in the air. 

“Let me down dickhead!” Mikey bounced trying to get Tommy to let him down.

“Nope!”

Mikey growled and hopped off his end of the wooden plank, sending Tommy shooting up and falling off crashing to the asphalt playground. Mikey was cackling. Jensen and Jason were scrambling down from the monkey bars to check on their friend, but Tommy was already pushing into a seated position, wincing.

“Asshole.” His palms were scraped where he had used them to try and break his fall and his knees were skinned and bleeding. 

“Shoulda let me down!” Mikey crowed strutting off to the tall metal slide.

“You okay, dude?” Jensen asked but Tommy was on his feet and barreling after Mikey. 

“Guess that’s a ‘yes’,” Jason said with a laugh.

Mikey shouted as he saw Tommy climbing the slides ladder, coming up after him. He reached the top then went rocketing down the long slide, Tommy in hot pursuit.

“Ahhhh! No, can’t get me. Jenny is Base!” Mikey said hiding behind Jensen.

Tommy grabbed for Mikey as Jensen side stepped him. “Am not!”

“Not It!” Jason proclaimed running off, Jensen taking off in the other direction, Tommy’s pursuit of Mikey evolving into a game of tag.

Jensen and his three friends lost track of time, each taking turns being It. The playground filled with their happy whoops and good-natured taunts. Sweaty and breathless the four boys called a truce and sat on the swings, cooling down and catching their breath. Mikey started swinging first, then Tommy. Soon all four boys were swinging, making a competition out of who could go the highest. Jensen still harbored the fear that he would go too high and swing over the bar, so he lost. 

Jason was the first to stop swinging. “I better get home. Mom’ll ground me for the summer if ‘m late for dinner again.” He waved and jogged off.

Tommy dragged his feet to stop, kicking up clouds of dust and scattering the pea gravel. “Yeah, I better go, too. See y’all later!” He took off following Jason.

Mikey hit the apogee of his swing and let go, launching himself through the air to land cat-like on his feet. “And then there were two. Wanna walk home, Jen?”

“Nah,” Jensen said, kicking his legs slightly as he cut through the air. “I wanna stay a bit longer.”

“’Kay, dude. Catch ya later!” Mikey booked it toward home.

Jensen loved to swing, that swoop in the stomach, the sensation of flying. He closed his eyes and drifted. The wind blew through his hair and he let his worries go. He wondered if anyone else felt the way he did; afraid to grow up. Seemed to Jensen most people looked forward to it, he knew his friends did. Maybe Jensen was silly wanting to be a kid a little while longer, enjoying the long summer days at the pool, eating snow cones, paying tag, or climbing on the monkey bars. Puberty was a monster, he thought. Sucked your youth and turned you inside out. He wasn’t ready. 

He swung until his fingers stiffened around the chain and the muscles of his legs ached. He slowed, the breeze feeling good on his warm skin. The sun was still in the sky but the heat of the day was dying down, not Jensen though. He was hot and that feeling of restlessness and anxiety seemed to have gotten worse, not better. Swinging always helped him relax and let go before. He probably had worked himself into a bit of a panic with his thoughts. People did say he was too serious. Jensen didn’t think so, just more introspective. 

He stood, legs feeling a little wobbly, trying to shake off this jittery feeling. He wiped a hand across his forehead. He took a couple steps forward, going to grab up his backpack and head home, when he realized he was wet between his thighs. He swallowed. It couldn’t be what he thought it was. He was probably just really sweaty. _Yeah, right_. But it would explain everything, why he’s been feeling so off this past week. What he remembers from sex ed (he had been too busy snickering along with Jason, Tommy and Mikey rather than paying attention to what the instructor had been saying) isn’t much, but he thought they had gone over the onset symptoms of an Omega’s heat: restless, jittery, a slight fever. 

Oh shit. Jensen had them all. He thought when this happened he would be safe at home or maybe with his friends, not alone and scared. He had even thought maybe this would never happen; that he would just be a Beta like his brother. No, there had to be something else wrong with him. He had just turned twelve and adolescents didn’t usually present until thirteen or fourteen; around their first growth spurt. Jensen had just turned twelve a couple of months ago, seemed too early for him to be going through his change. He had chalked up the anxiety he had been feeling as of late to growing up, starting junior high, and the possibility that he and his friends would drift apart; and the fact that he had been running a little hot to the fact that it was summer in Texas.

Trying to ignore the obvious signs he was going into heat, he walked over to where he had thrown his backpack, picked it up and left the playground, cutting through the vacant lot. The town council was going to be voting on whether to turn it into a baseball diamond. Jensen hoped so, but right now there was nothing but some trees, bare earth, scraggly saplings, and brown grass. As he walked his cock began to fill with blood and grow hard. That was nothing new. Jensen had been getting hard-ons for the last year, but now it was worse, the restlessness in him crying out for something he didn’t know. Each rub of his shorts and underwear against his sensitive cock had him moaning and more of his natural lubrication leaking from his hole. He hoped the slick leaking from him wasn’t bleeding though his pants yet. He wanted to get home before that happened.

He heard raucous laughter and turned his head. A little ways behind him was a group of guys roughhousing. Their presence wouldn’t mean anything if they were betas; they wouldn’t be able to pick up on the pheromones Jensen was releasing. Of course Jensen wouldn’t get that lucky. The guys, had to be freshly popped knotheads, stopped and stared right at Jensen. _Maybe they’ll keep on going_ , even as he thought that an alarm was blaring in his skull: runrun _run_. At the same time, this new part of him, the part that had just woken up, was ready to lay down and spread his legs. He took a breath, trying to calm his racing heart only to catch a noseful of musky Alpha. His ripening body betrayed him, making him flush all over and produce more wetness. Trembling, Jensen did his best to maintain his composure and continue on his way. He would get home, his parents would get him to the doctor, he would start suppressant therapy until the time came when he would want to have children. It would be fine. _He_ would be fine.

“Hey! Where do you think you’re going, slut?”

He dropped his backpack and ran but he didn’t get far, a heavy alpha body slammed into him, tackling him to the ground. The breath left his body, leaving him momentarily stunned. When he got his wind back, he began to kick and struggle, but there were four of them, big alphas 17 or 18 years old and Jensen was a short and scrawny twelve year old.

“Please, stop!” he shouted as his jean shorts were pulled down and off his legs. 

The Alpha teens weren’t listening, stripping Jensen of his underwear baring his ass to all and sundry. Shame and terror warred within him, his body wanted this—needed this—but his heart and mind did not. His legs were forced apart. He sobbed, tears dripping down his cheeks to water the ground. He kicked and trashed. The two Alphas holding him just tightened their grips. This isn’t how this was supposed to happen. He had never thought about what his first time would be like, wasn’t even sure he liked boys or girls yet. He just liked spending time with his family and friends, and playing. After this nothing would ever be the same and he knew it. He cried harder, as he felt a finger brush over his wet, exposed hole. The Alphas laughed and made some crude remarks, lust roughening their voices turned them into something feral. 

The scream that tore from Jensen’s young throat was barely human, as the first thick cock penetrated him. His body still too little to accommodate a nearly full grown Alpha’s cock and the knot that was starting to swell despite the fact he was leaking slick and his hole was ready. 

Mercifully, Jensen passed out before the others had their turns.

“But…Jensen is just a baby himself,” Jensen’s mother, Donna, shook her head in disbelief at what the doctor was telling them. Jensen sat numb between his mother and father as the doctor shared the news that Jensen was pregnant. Between his assault nearly two months ago and now the news he was pregnant…. It was surreal and in all honestly Jensen had had about as much as he could take.

Since his assault everything was in shambles. Tommy, Mikey, and Jason came around but, didn’t know how to act around him. He wanted to scream he was still the same kid he was before, but he knew that was a lie. A lie more and more obvious as his belly began to round slightly. He wasn’t far along, nine weeks, but on his slight frame it showed already. His mother was smothering him, afraid to have him out of her sight for even a second. His father couldn’t keep eye contact for more than a couple of seconds. Jensen knew it wasn’t out of shame. His father felt like a failure as a father that he wasn’t able to somehow protect Jensen. _Maybe if I had been an Alpha I could have protected you better. I’m so sorry, son_. His father had said that to him after Jensen had been lucid enough to have visitors in the hospital. Jensen knew there was really no one to blame but himself, he had known something was wrong with him but hadn’t told anyone. If he had told…maybe someone would have figured out he was going into heat. 

Seemed like all of Richardson knew about Jensen’s assault, and when they looked at him it was with pity and he hated it, hated everything, really. He hated his Omega body. Some days he hated the child growing inside him, hated what it reminded him of, and what it meant for his future—diapers, tears, and sacrifice. Mostly he hated those four fucking Alphas who took his life and burnt it to cinders. They had been apprehended and would go on trial; turns out one of them had a thread of a conscience and confessed everything. They would probably cop a plea deal and get off with a slap on the fucking wrist.

“Be that as it may, Mrs. Ackles, Jensen’s had his first heat so biologically he is mature enough to support a life. Now, the question is how do we proceed? There are obviously two options. He can carry the baby to term, risky given his age, and the damage he sustained in the attack, or we can terminate.”

“I think it would be best if we ended this,” his mother said. “It was never meant to be in the first place and Jensen can get back to his life.”

Jensen rolled his eyes and scoffed. That wasn’t possible and even if he wasn’t anywhere near ready he wanted to have his baby. He already loved it. His brief bursts of anger at his baby never lasted very long. It was innocent, no matter how it came to be. “No,” Jensen heard himself say.

“What?” His mother turned to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“It’s my life, mom. _Mine_ and my baby.”

“Jensen you can’t be thinking of having it.” That was something, at least she wasn’t talking about him like he wasn’t in the room anymore. “You are twelve years old—barely! You can’t make a decision like this.” 

“No! _I_ didn’t make the decision to breed, but _I_ can sure as hell make the decision about what I do with _my_ baby.” He looked at the doctor. “I’m going to have it.” He stood up and strode from the room.

“Jensen! Jensen Ross Ackles you come back here!” His father’s voice echoed down the long corridor. A few passersby stopped to look.

“No! Just leave me alone!”

He burst through the front doors of the clinic, glad to be out of the doctor’s small office and away from his mother and father, well-meaning though they might be, and breathe. 

He kept walking and ended up at the elementary school playground, the last time he had been happy before everything changed. He sat on the same swing he had that day, dragged his toe through the dirt and gravel. He wasn’t anywhere near ready but he was confident in his decision. He didn’t know what this would mean for his schooling. He supposed would go when it started up in September. He could take the whispers that were sure to follow him through the halls. Whether he kept the child was another decision for another day. He was tired of doing everything everyone told him, from his parents to his therapist, this was something only he had any right to decide. He rested his hand on his belly, fancied he could feel the life in him, growing. 

“It’ll be okay,” he whispered. “Whatever else, you deserve a chance to be born. I’m going to make sure you get it.”

Out of one bed and into another, but at least he was home.

“Okay, honey, you rest now. Do you want anything?” Jensen’s mother asked as he climbed into his bed. Between the rape, prenatal care, and now after having complications from the miscarriage he was fucking _sick_ of hospital beds. As he lay down he flipped on the TV. He wondered if it was going to be possible to sleep in his bed. Six days ago he had woken up with cramps stabbing him and his sheets and mattress soaked with blood. He hadn’t wanted to believe it, but he knew what was happening. He had promised his baby that everything would be okay, but once again his stupid body betrayed him, ridding him of his child, forcing him to break his promise. Now, Jensen was hollow and felt like a failure. 

“I’m fine,” he snapped. 

She pushed her fingers through his hair, a soft expression on her face. God, he wasn’t sure how much of her false sympathy and pity he could take. He didn’t think even for a second she was sorry he had lost his baby. She had said more than once in the hospital that it was for the best. Spouted her spiel again about how the baby was never meant to be and he could have a normal life now. Maybe it _was_ for the best, but it didn’t mean he hadn’t loved his child and was grieving its loss. His mother seemed to be forgetting that. Did she expect _him_ to forget? 

“Try to get some rest, sweetie.” She kissed his forehead, fiddled with his pillows and blankets.

Jensen rolled onto his side, back to the door and let himself cry. 

At some point he must have fallen asleep because when he opened his eyes it was dark and his TV had been turned off. He got out of bed, struck by a horrible sense of déjà vu. Chest heaving he threw back the comforter and looked down at the bed and saw nothing. He let out a shaky breath. His sky blue sheets were clean, not even a drop of blood. The damage he had sustained during the rape that hadn’t quite healed had made itself known and he had lost so much blood he had needed two transfusions. Jensen’s spotting had stopped before the doctor sent him home from the hospital with a prescription for suppressants. He wondered if he would always live with the fear of waking up with blood running down his thighs as his child died inside him. A sob escaped him and he sank to the floor, legs unable to hold him up. He pulled his knees to his chest and rested his head on them, softly crying.

“I tried, baby. I really really tried.” It just didn’t seem _possible_ to love someone so much and he hadn’t met them, and never would. He didn’t think he would ever get over this. How could he? He looked at the clock, the impassive red numbers telling him it was twenty after three in the morning. Too early to get up and despite all the sleep he had got he was still drained. He curled up on the floor, not wanting to get back in that bed. One hand went to his once-again flat stomach, fingers digging in. Jensen cried himself into a fitful sleep, his dreams full of blood, pain, and a small voice asking him “why”. 

“Jensen! Oh my God, are you okay?” 

Hands were pulling at him, all over him. Semiconscious, caught between nightmare and memory, Jensen shouted something unintelligible, and struck out hard, shoving his attacker away. His gaze darted all over the room, but not really seeing anything. 

“Oh, Alan!” 

“Jensen, son. It’s okay. You’re home and safe. Me and your mom are right here.”

“Me too, bro. Dad, what’s wrong with him? Should I call 911?”

Jensen came back to himself, breath shuddering, heart racing. He blinked hard to clear his mind of the bad memories. His mother was standing near the threshold of his room. His big brother Josh behind her and his father was crouched in front of him, firm hand on his shoulder. Jensen shrugged it off.

“Jensen, what are you doing on the floor? Are you in any pain?”

Jensen shook his head. He swallowed but his throat was dry. “No,” he croaked.

“Get your brother a glass of water,” Donna said.

There were rapid thumps as Josh hurried downstairs. Jensen breathed in and out, heart rate calming down. He glanced over to the clock and saw that it was nearly six in the morning. Pale early morning sun was beginning to creep in through his window. He didn’t want to go back to sleep, wasn’t sure he would be able to anyway. 

“Here.” Josh was back holding a can of Sprite. 

“Josh, I said water,” his mother scolded.

Josh shrugged. “He likes Sprite.” 

Jensen looked up at his brother. Josh was three years older and fair like Jensen. He was the only one that wasn’t babying Jensen or tiptoeing around him. He took the icy can and chugged the fizzy drink. “Thanks,” he said once he drank his fill. Jensen got to his feet, his father steadying him.

“What are you doing on the floor?” Alan asked once more.

“Couldn’t…sleep in that bed.”

His mother and father exchanged a glance. “I’m going to put some coffee on and make breakfast,” Donna said. She reached out to pet Jensen again, but he moved away from her placating touch.

“I need to shower and get ready for work. Are you okay now, Jensen?”

Loaded question, and Alan probably knew it. To save time and grief Jensen nodded. His father patted his back and left the room. Jensen took another drink of Sprite as he and his brother stood just inside Jensen’s room.

“Better get down to breakfast or I’m going to eat all your bacon.” He ruffled Jensen’s hair and took off down the steps.

“The hell you are,” Jensen muttered and followed him.

After breakfast Alan headed to work. Josh drifted upstairs to shower and dress while Jensen wandered into the living room to stretch out on the sofa. He turned the TV on to Good Morning America. He could hear his mother doing the dishes in the kitchen and was surprised she hadn’t come in to check on him yet.

“Need anything, honey?” 

He should have known he spoken too soon. He exhaled, rolled his eyes. “No,” he growled. Even if he did he was not an invalid. 

“Just checking. Get some more rest. You can’t have slept well on the floor.”

Sometime later Josh came down the steps. Jensen cracked open an eye as his brother threw himself into an armchair and snaked the remote from the coffee table. He flipped away from GMA to a lame talk show, _Donahue_ , looked like.

“Was watching that,” Jensen said, somewhere in that gray area of sleep and wakefulness.

“Now we’re watching this.” He smirked, challenging.

“You’re such a loser and your fixation with talk shows is disturbing.” 

“Shut up. I’m gonna play baseball today with some of the guys. Wanna come? We can use a shortstop.”

Jensen’s heart swelled with affection. There had been a rift between them as Josh entered puberty and started high school. They had different friends and different interests and until now Jensen hadn’t realized how much he had missed his big brother. 

“I’m not sure I’d be much good.” What Jensen wanted to say was that he didn’t want to be around Josh’s Alpha friends, he only had a couple but the idea of being in any proximity of a knothead was alarming. Well, that would make junior high and high school interesting. “Not sure Mom would let me leave the house anyway.”

Josh nodded, brows creasing. “Good point. If you do wanna play and can get away from Mom, just drop by the park.”

Jensen closed his eyes again, body feeling heavy as he drifted back into unconsciousness.

Sometime later Jensen was startled back to wakefulness by his brother’s shout. “Mom, goin’ to play ball!”

“Shh!” His mother hissed “You’ll wake your brother!”

“Right, sorry.” Josh said. A moment later the front door opened and closed announcing Josh’s departure. Jensen didn’t go back to sleep, he dozed, listening to the mindless talk show Josh had been watching. 

A half an hour or so passed, Jensen couldn’t be sure. He knew Donahue was off, another talk show taken its place, sounded like a female host this time. His mother laid a gentle hand on his shoulder, shaking him slightly.

“I’m going to the store, Jensen.” 

He remained as he was, still and eyes closed. He had no interest in being dragged to the store with his newly over-protective mother, not to mention the pitying looks he would get, because sooner or later news would spread about his miscarriage—if it hadn’t already. “Jensen?” He heard her sigh out her indecision, the rattle of her keys. He kept himself still and lax, breathing deep and even. A moment later she pushed her fingers through his hair and pressed a kiss to his forehead, did his best not to react. He heard the beep as she set the alarm and the door open and close. 

He sat up, waiting until he heard her car drive off before he let out a breath. For the first time in a week or more he could breathe and he was mercifully alone. He stood, stretched, wondered into the kitchen for another Sprite. He got a glass from the cabinet and poured the clear bubbly soda into it. He had developed a taste for it when the morning sickness hit him hard, and he liked to watch the bubbles rise and play in the glass.

The quiet of the house was broken by the door bell chiming. Jensen’s pulse skyrocketed. He swallowed hard. On shaking legs, he walked to the door. He peered through the peephole and was surprised to see Jason standing on the porch. He flipped the lock and opened the door. It was good to see Jason again. He had visited in the hospital but the two just sort of sat in awkward silence, something that had never happened between them since they met back in kindergarten.

“Hi.” Jason had his backpack over on one shoulder and it made a dull clacking sound when he hitched it up higher. 

“Hey.” Jensen stepped aside to allow his friend in. They sat on the sofa, both staring at the television playing the Sally Jessy Raphael Show. 

“How are you?” Jason asked at length. 

“Empty,” Jensen replied, voice flat. He was so done telling people he was fine and Jason was someone he didn’t have to lie to. His statement was met with more silence, just the sound of his friend swallowing and whatever was in his backpack shifting with a plastic sound, and the TV. 

“I don’t know what to say, Jensen.” Jason looked sincere. Jensen glanced at his friend and saw him with new eyes; an adult’s eyes, he realized. Jason was in over his head trying to talk to Jensen about his rape and miscarriage. 

“You don’t have to say anything. I wish people would stop trying to make me feel better. I _lost my baby_ and everyone around me just seems to think I should forget about it. Like it or my rape never happened. Like, if they don’t talk about it maybe they can convince me, and them, of it.” For the first time Jensen allowed himself to feel angry, he had been drowning in his grief, guilt, and powerlessness. Anger was better. 

“Well, you should feel bad. You should feel however you feel. You’re the one who went through everything.”

That took Jensen by surprise, someone else acknowledging his trauma and validating his feelings—someone beside his damn therapist. He kinda hated Dr. Sampson with her patronizing tone, and moronic advice about how to deal and process his pain. What did she know? It didn’t happen to her. She didn’t even call it what it was. She used soft words like “incident”. Jensen didn’t think he wanted to see her anymore. 

Jason shifted and the contents of his backpack clattered again. 

“What do you have in there?” Jensen asked, brow cocked. 

Jason grinned and opened his backpack. “I got the new Super Nintendo with Super Mario World. Thought maybe we could play.”

“Okay, but you be Luigi.”

More of this was exactly what Jensen needed. He had gone through some horrible life changing stuff but he wanted to take his life back, and people like his mother treating him like he was made of glass was not helping. Playing video games with Jason and Josh teasing him was what he needed. He didn’t want what happened to him to define him. He was still Jensen, just a different Jensen. Sure, he would always think about the child he lost but he would grieve and move on. There was no reason he had to let it affect the rest of his life.


	2. Chapter 2

March 2011

 

Jensen moaned and writhed beneath his husband, Jared, feeling the Alpha’s knot start to swell and tug at his rim. Jensen tightened his legs around Jared’s hips, as his fast thrusts turned into slow rolls of his hips, rutting, grinding, knot rubbing against Jensen’s prostate wrenching another orgasm from him.

“Oh, fuck, Jensen!” Jared groaned, burying his head in the crook of Jensen’s neck as he succumbed to his own orgasm. 

Jensen ran his hands down Jared's back, feeling the minute trembles running through his body. His Alpha's intoxicating spicy sweet scent enveloped him. His knot locked inside Jensen, pumping stream after stream of cum into him.

Jensen closed his eyes and reflected on everything that had brought him to this point. He had gone off the rails as a teenager: he drank, got violent, committed petty crimes, and all of it stemmed from the trauma he had suffered when he was twelve but hadn’t fully dealt with. Eventually his bad behavior had gotten him kicked out of his parents’ home. He sometimes thought that had been the aim of his rebellion all along, to be out from under their coddling. Jensen at thirteen had less freedom than his little sister at six. From the ages of fifteen on, he lived with Jason, who presented as an Omega at the age of fourteen, and his family. With their help and that of the good therapist the Manns’ found for him, Jensen straightened out his behavior. 

Jensen went to college, majored in Business with a minor in Economics and got an entry level position at an advertising firm. He and Jason even tried the couple thing but the chemistry wasn’t there. Their friendship remained, maybe even a little stronger for it. Jensen had few serious relationships, content to have casual one-nighters or Friends with Benefits with Betas or the occasional Omega, but never an Alpha. Alphas still sent a little tremor of terror through him. The thought of being pinned beneath a big powerful Alpha, being knotted, was not something he was interested in—at least it wasn’t until he met Jared Padalecki.

Jensen met his Alpha when he was twenty-five at his company Christmas party. The COO and younger brother of the Padalecki Brothers Advertising’s owner/CEO Jeff Padalecki, Jared was everything an Alpha should be: confident, tall, and broad, but with an easy going manner and sweetness that charmed Jensen from the start. He was not aggressive in his pursuit of Jensen, but he was relentless. In the end Jensen could not deny the attraction or chemistry between them. When they gave in to it, it was _explosive_ and Jensen wondered why the hell he had been resisting so much.

He had been dating Jared for a year before he confided in the Alpha what happened to him when he was twelve. Jared had only nodded in quiet understanding and acceptance, not pushing for details or forcing Jensen to relive the pain. That had been when Jensen realized Jared was The One.

They dated for three years before Jared proposed. Their engagement lasted another year, but that was Jared, always patient, making sure Jensen had his space and time. Here Jensen was about to turn thirty-three, married to a gentle and gorgeous Alpha, their relationship happy and stable, a mortgage on a three bedroom Tudor in an exclusive gated community in Dallas, a good career, and between his and Jared’s combined incomes, quite comfortable financially. The only thing missing was a child and Jensen knew he was not getting any younger. Visiting with their families and extended families over the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays made him realize how much he wanted a child of his own and for the last two months they had been trying. Though the thought terrified him, Jensen went off his suppressants and went into heat for a week every month and during that week the Padaleckis wouldn’t leave their home. 

“We made a baby this time,” Jensen sighed, happily, already mentally picking out superhero onesies for the new addition to their family. “I know we did.”

Jared nuzzled his throat, peppering it with little kisses, before turning his attention to Jensen’s mouth, already tender from their kisses, tongue snaking between Jensen’s lips to slide against Jensen’s. 

“What do you want, Jare?” Jensen asked between kisses, sliding his fingers through Jared’s long sweat-damp brown hair. “Boy or girl?”

“Already told you. Doesn’t matter to me. A little “us” that is happy and healthy is all I want.”

Jensen sighed. Jared was right, boy or girl didn’t matter. A happy and healthy baby was all he wanted too.

Another test, another negative. Jensen tried to shake off the feeling that he was letting Jared down, letting them _both_ down again, but with each passing test, each passing month, it got harder and harder. He and Jared went at it as often as was humanly possible while Jensen was in heat and even when he wasn’t. The result was the same: not pregnant.

“Well?” Jared asked, standing just inside the bathroom door. He looked so eager with his dimpled smile flashing and almond-shaped eyes sparkling with happiness, and, yet again, Jensen was going to disappoint him. 

Jensen shook his head, managing a sad half smile. Whatever disappointment Jared felt didn’t show on his face or in his eyes, only a soft expression of compassion.

“Aww, Jen.” He came into the bathroom and wrapped Jensen in a warm embrace. “It’s okay. We’ll try again. When is your heat due to come around again?”

Jensen shrugged, not trusting himself to speak, struggling to keep his emotions in check. Didn’t really seem to matter, during his heat or not, although an Omega’s chances for conception were higher during a heat cycle than not. 

“Didn’t one of your books say it can sometimes take six months to a year for a couple to conceive? We’ve only been trying for, what, four?”

Throat tight, Jensen nodded. He pulled from Jared’s embrace and walked back into their bedroom, sat on the bed, hands folded in his lap, head bowed. 

“Babe?” Jared’s voice was soft, feet whispering as he crossed the plush carpet to sit on the bed next to Jensen.

“I want us to have a baby. We’re ready and we have so much to offer. I remember when I was pregnant all those years ago. I was scared as hell, sure, and mostly puking my guts up, but now I have you I want to share those things with you. I want a little girl with my hair and your dimples, or a boy with—”

“Your eyes and freckles,” Jared said with a soft smile, fingers caressing the caramel colored spots across Jensen’s nose and cheeks.

“You and your freckle fetish,” Jensen said, but a smile tugged up his mouth.

“Jen, you’ve been putting so much pressure on yourself. That stress can’t be good. It’ll happen for us, I know it will. You just need to relax and let nature take her course. I have an idea. How about we go to our place on Lake LBJ this weekend? We can relax. You can get in a round of golf, do some fishing, and play boat-captain. I can swim and ride the jet-ski. We can make love to _enjoy each other_ and not to make a baby, unless you’re sick of making love with me?” Jared nudged Jensen with an elbow.

“Never get sick of you, you goof.” Jensen thought over everything Jared said. Maybe he was right. Jensen was stressing out about wanting to get pregnant, expecting to get pregnant nownow _now_. Maybe a weekend of relaxation would be just the thing, and seeing Jared dripping wet in his board shorts with his cut abs and lickable hip dents never hurt either.

“So…yeah?”

“Yeah.”

 

Jensen’s boat, _The Devil’s Trap_ , was drifting, the warm May sun and gentle sound of the water slapping against the hull lulling Jensen into a doze. The Captain’s hat Jared had given him pulled down over his eyes, fishing rod gripped in one hand. A hard tug, almost ripping the rod from his slackened grip, pulled Jensen from his doze.

“Jared!” Jensen shouted gleefully. He glanced over his shoulder to where his Alpha was sunning himself on the deck, wearing his pristine white sailor cap, board shorts sitting so low on Jared’s hips they almost revealed the crack of his cute ass. “Jared! I got a bite!” He cranked the reel, bringing his fish in. It was a decent-sized Largemouth Bass. That would be a good dinner. Jensen laughed looking around for where his husband had disappeared to. “Jared! You seen my net? Jared!” 

“Hey.” Jared’s voice low in his ear as he reached around Jensen to help get the bass onto the boat…or so it seemed. Jensen caught the wink of steel, heard the snip as Jared cut the fishing line sending Jensen’s bass back down into the lake.

Jensen dropped his rod on the deck, whirled to face his Alpha who was grinning like an imp—a six foot five imp. “Jared! You…! What’d you do that for?” On impulse, he pushed Jared. Jared’s arms pin-wheeled but he fell overboard and hit the water in an undignified sprawl of limbs, sailor cap bobbing on the water. Jared resurfaced a few seconds later, treading water he flipped Jensen off and began to swim for the dock. 

Jensen hurried to the bridge to start the _Devil’s Trap’s_ engine and heading to the dock, worried that Jared might really be mad at him. He hadn’t meant for Jared to fall overboard, but then Jared had no right to cut his fishing line. He got his boat into the boat slip, he disembarked and Jared was there on the dock, grinning in much the same way he had before he had cut Jensen’s line. He had a moment to be glad Jared wasn’t mad at him before he was pushed off the dock. He hit the lukewarm water with an ungraceful splash and Jared cannonballed in a moment later and began furiously splashing Jensen. Jensen shrieked and retaliated. 

“That’s for me!” he shouted matching Jared splash for splash. “And this….” He charged toward Jared. “Is for my fish!” He dunked Jared under the water and made for the dock as quick as he could as Jared resurfaced spluttering. Jensen pulled himself on to the sun-baked wooden dock and ran flat-out to the cobblestone pathway that led back to their condo’s patio. 

He burst through the side door, Jared a step or two behind, a gleeful smile on his face. Jensen crossed the threshold, turned to slam the door in Jared’s face only to be tackled and thrown down to the soft beige carpet. He had a momentary flashback to That Day, but it was burned away in the light of Jared’s smiling face. He shook his head, raining water droplets down on Jensen. Both men were breathless. Jared had goose bumps breaking out on his arms. Jensen’s nipples tightened to peaks. Jared leaned in, brushed his mouth across Jensen’s. Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared and pulled him down, sealing their mouths together in a deep tender kiss.

“You little shit,” Jared said without heat.

“I am _not_ little.” Jensen was tall for an Omega at six foot one and worked out hard to build muscle on his naturally lithe frame. He may not have Jared’s Alpha bulk but Jensen was lean and cut. “And _you_ started it by cutting my line.”

“Promise to make it up to you,” Jared drawled, giving Jensen an Eskimo kiss, as his eyes darkened with desire.

“You better, that was a sweet lookin’ fish.”

Jared took his mouth in a kiss, all heat and intent, teeth nibbling. Their hard cocks brushed together making both men gasp. Jensen shivered as Jared’s lips, mouth, and tongue licked the water from his body. Hands and fingers moved over him in reverent caresses. Each kiss, each touch, setting Jensen’s nerves alight. Jared moved lower, tugged Jensen's swim trunks down and off. His mouth hovered above Jensen’s aching cock. Jensen threaded his fingers through Jared’s hair. “Suck me,” his voice was rough and deep but still with a note of pleading, as if Jared would deny him.

Jared teased the head of Jensen’s cock with kitten licks, lapping up the clear fluid welling at the tip, before sealing his lips tight and taking Jensen deep. He bobbed up and down in long slow sucks that had Jensen panting. Jensen’s hips jerked up, forcing his cock deep into Jared’s throat. Jared took it easily, moaned around the thick length clogging his throat. Jensen gazed down, saw Jared’s pink lips stretched wide around his cock, groaned at the sight. Jared tapped his hip and winked. Jensen’s heart pounded as he slid his fingers through Jared’s hair, gripping tight, and thrust into the tight heat of Jared’s mouth, fucking his Alpha’s throat, getting such a high off the power and control of it. 

On the brink of orgasm, Jensen pushed Jared away, maneuvered him onto his back in front of the elegant limestone fireplace. “Gonna ride you, Jare.”

“Mmm, fuck yeah,” Jared’s voice was _wreaked_ from having his throat fucked, gazing at Jensen with hungry eyes. 

He peeled off Jared's board shorts. The Alpha's cock was huge and hard, knot a noticeable bulge at the base. Heat washed over Jensen. His hole clenched in anticipation. He bracketed Jared’s hips and sank down on his cock. He was slick, but not producing copious amounts of his own lubrication as he would if he was in heat, and it still burned as Jared’s thick hard cock breached him. He rode him at a hard steady pace, soft grunts pushing out of Jared, his fingers dug into Jensen’s hips with bruising force. Jensen watched pleasure, love, and adoration chase each other across Jared’s face and shine from his eyes. When he felt the solid ball of Jared’s knot start to swell, he thrust down hard to take it, ground down to lock his Alpha in deep. The constant stimulation of his prostate had him coming, splashing thick hot seed on their bellies. Jared followed him into bliss, biting at the join of Jensen’s neck and shoulder as he shuddered through his own orgasm. 

They came down together, kissing and caressing as they caught their breath. Jared got them into a comfortable position to lay in while they were tied together and proceeded to fall asleep. Jensen watched him sleep, as relaxed as Jensen had felt for awhile. Maybe it was being away from the city, away from the demands of Padalecki Bros. Advertising. As Jensen drifted off to sleep, Jared’s strong heartbeat against his, he had a good feeling a baby was growing inside him. 

Two weeks later when Jensen’s heat started he knew the truth: not pregnant again.

This was the one. Jensen knew it, was sure he was pregnant this time. He had had a similar feeling after their weekend away at Lake LBJ a month ago, only to meet with disappointment again of a negative test. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could take this. Each negative test was more crushing than the last.

He had been feeling off for the last week or so and the most telling symptom was that his heat had stopped. Jared had insisted Jensen stay home the last couple of days because he was feeling so drained and Jensen even had bouts of nausea. Jensen never thought he’d be so happy about throwing up. 

He paced back and forth waiting for the five minutes to be up, time seemed to be dragging by. Jensen couldn’t stop smiling, already patting his still flat and toned abdomen. Soon it would soften and grow round with his and Jared’s child. 

He wanted to wait until Jared got home and share the moment of a positive pregnancy test with his Alpha husband, but he was too anxious and exhilarated. He knew just how he wanted to tell Jared too. Without even checking the test, though the alarm on his phone chirped and told him time was up, he grabbed his keys and wallet and headed out the door. 

His first and only stop was to Babies R Us. He wandered around the store looking at the other mothers and fathers shopping, breathing in the smells and sounds as he made a mental list of big ticket items he liked, such as cribs, changing tables and strollers. Maybe he should make a registry. After walking all through the store Jensen bought three items: a gender neutral baby book, a onesie with the Batman symbol on the chest, and another one, because he couldn’t resist it, that said ‘Handsome Just Like My Daddy’. As he headed to out to the parking lot he checked his watch. Shit, quarter after five. Jared would be coming home soon and Jensen wanted to beat him there and show him his new purchases… _before_ Jared had a chance to find the positive pregnancy test and ruin the surprise.

He pulled into their driveway and hurried inside. He laid out the baby book and onesies on their bed, changing their position a few times for before he was satisfied. He peeled the cellophane from the baby book and opened it to the first blank page and laid each onesie on either side of it. He knew just what to put on the first page. He went into the en suite and picked up the pregnancy test from the counter. He glanced down at it and the world caved in.

Negative.

That…that just wasn’t _possible_. His heat had _stopped_. The test was wrong! It had to be wrong! On numb legs, Jensen went into the bedroom and sank onto the bed, beside the onesies and baby book. His chest tightened—The test was wrong. The test was wrong—and tears welled in his eyes. The negative—wrongwrongwrong—test slipped from his fingers to the floor as he hugged himself around the middle, cradling the baby he knew was growing in him. Deep mournful sobs bubbled up and spilled from his lips. 

Distantly, he heard Jared calling for him from downstairs. How was he going to tell Jared he had failed them yet again? 

“Jen? Babe, ya home?”

Jensen took in a breath, to call out, but the only thing that came out was a strangled cry. A moment later his Alpha came into their room. 

“Jensen, what’s wrong?” He knelt at Jensen’s feet looking up at him, features sharp with alarm.

“Negative!” Jensen could hear the hysterical note in his voice. He struggled to get himself under control. “I was so sure, the fatigue, nausea, my fucking heat stopped!”

Jared rose to his feet, he had the test Jensen had dropped in his hand. Jensen kept his eyes trained on the floor, not wanting to see the look of disappointment he knew would be on Jared’s face. The bed dipped as Jared sat beside him, a comforting arm rested across Jensen’s shoulders. He leaned into his Alpha’s side, hiding his face.

“Maybe the test is wrong,” Jared’s voice was soft and even, washing over Jensen like a balm. “You said it yourself, your heat stopped.”

Jensen raised his head, Jared’s eyes were warm and gentle as always. “I don’t know if I can take another negative, Jay. I’ve never felt like this before. I’m beginning to lose hope.”

Jared sighed, held him tighter. “Well, let’s make an appointment with your Andrologist see if the test _is_ wrong. If it is maybe we should see someone about fertility issues. Maybe the problem is me, ever think of that?”

Jensen scoffed. Jared was an Alpha in his prime. No way would their problems conceiving lay with him. Jensen knew he was the one at fault. _Rape. Miscarriage. Severe damage and scarring_. Though the thought of having his fears confirmed terrified him, Jared was right. They needed to have this negative confirmed and then they could figure out together how to proceed. Maybe they could adopt or find a surrogate. In the end, it didn’t matter if Jensen carried the child or not, he just wanted to be a father and knew Jared did as well.

“Okay. I’ll make the appointment.”

 

Jensen’s Andrologist was a pretty and personable Beta named Sandra McCoy. Jared had already been to his doctor and had a complete check up. His blood testosterone levels were in range for his age and as expected his ejaculate volume, something only Alphas were tested for, sperm count and motility were excellent. Jared was a healthy and virile Alpha and soon Dr. McCoy was going to come in and tell them that Jensen was at the root of their fertility problems. His stomach was in knots as he sat on the exam table in his mint green gown, Jared by his side, holding his hand, thumb brushing back and forth across his pulse point.

“Good afternoon, Jensen.” Dr. McCoy gave him a bright dimpled smile as she entered the room. “Mr. Padalecki, nice to see you.” She shook Jared’s hand. “I don’t think we’ve met before.” She took a seat on the black rolling stool.

“Nice to meet you, too. No, I’ve never had reason to come with Jensen to his appointments before.”

Pleasantries exchanged, the doctor’s face took on a professional detachment as she flipped through the papers in his file.

Jensen gripped Jared’s hand tighter. He swallowed hard, throat gone dry. “Was the home test wrong? Am I pregnant?”

“No, I’m sorry.”

Disbelief rose inside him like a wave. “But, my heat _stopped_ and I’ve been vomiting and I’m tired all the time!” 

Dr. McCoy remained as cool as ever, but her voice was soft with sympathy and concern when she spoke. “I know. Here’s what I think is going on. I believe you’re suffering from something called Pseudocyesis, a false pregnancy. Your nausea and fatigue brought on by your intense desire to be pregnant. That’s also why your heat stopped. Your mind has tricked your body into believing you’re pregnant.”

Jensen sat stunned. False pregnancy? He didn’t even know that was a real thing, but apparently it was, complete with a fancy scientific name. Jared was a strong reassuring presence at his side. 

“I hate to bear more bad news, but, Jensen, it’s my opinion based on everything I’ve found during your exams and read in your file that it will be unlikely you’ll ever be able to get pregnant.”

“It’s because of what happened to me when I was twelve, isn’t it? The doctors said there was damage and scarring after.”

Dr. McCoy nodded, eyes sad. “I’m afraid so. I could do an ultrasound right now to show you the scarring in your womb. It makes for very inhospitable place for Jared’s seed to take root. And there is something else.” 

Jensen blinked, a tear rolled down his cheek. He wasn’t sure how much more he could take. Jared lifted Jensen’s hand to his lips and kissed his knuckles, before resting their entwined hands in the center of his chest.

“Have you ever come off your suppressants since you started taking them?” Dr. McCoy inquired.

“No,” Jensen answered with a slight shake of his head, face scrunching in confusion. “I never wanted what happened to me to happen again. _Ever_.”

“Understandable, but, Jensen, there is a reason Omegas come off them, and have at least two heat cycles a year. It regulates hormones. You’ve been on Ompressant for twenty uninterrupted years and—” 

“But I’ve been going into heat! For the last _six months_ we’ve been trying, I’ve been going into heat regularly! How can my hormones be fucked up?”

“Jensen, calm down,” Jared placed a heavy hand on Jensen’s shoulder.

“While your Estradiol levels are normal—that’s what controls your heat cycles—your Follicle-stimulating hormone and Luteinizing hormone levels which work together and impact fertility and conception, but _not_ the heat cycle itself, are out of whack. Normally, I would recommend staying off suppressants for a year and wait for them to adjust and regulate before trying again, but with your issues of scarring, as I’ve already said it’s unlikely you’ll be able to conceive. I am so sorry, gentlemen.”

“Thank you, doctor,” Jared said, voice quiet and controlled and Jensen didn’t understand how Jared could sound so. Inside Jensen was crumbling.

Dr. McCoy gave another of those sympathetic smiles. “I’ll let you have some time.” She stood and left the exam room, closing the door with a quiet click behind her.

Jensen was up off the exam table in a flash, arm sweeping across the counter with the jars of cotton balls and swabs on it, knocking everything to the floor with a clatter. With a wounded noise he kicked the trashcan, sending it flying across the tiny room. He wanted to destroy everything, loose his anger but it wouldn’t be enough. "Fucking _useless_ Omega!” he cursed himself. “Can’t breed!"

"Jensen.” Jared’s tone was sharp and cracked like a whip. It was his Alpha voice and not a tone Jensen heard very often, and never directed at him. Jared gripped Jensen’s biceps, fingers digging in but not enough to be painful, enough to still Jensen and rein him in. His gaze was stern as he stared into Jensen’s watery eyes. "You _do no_ t get to talk about yourself like that. Understand me? You _are not_ useless. This is _not_ your fault."

"But it _is_! If I hadn't been so stupid and tried to lie to myself about going into hea—"

"Stop. Right now. What happened to you was horrifying, but you survived and you're stronger than anyone I know, Alpha, Beta, or Omega and I am _so_ damn lucky to have you. So you can't breed. It isn't a big deal. I’m not sure I want kids anyway. I have you and _you_ are more than enough.” Jared wrapped him in a tight hug and held him. 

Jensen gave into his tears and held tight to his Alpha. Despite the despair and anguish he was feeling after everything Dr McCoy had told him, Jared’s words “I’m not sure I want kids” rang the loudest and hurt the most.


	3. Chapter 3

The party at the newly christened Padalecki Advertising was in full swing. There was a dual reason for the evening’s celebration. The company had landed a multi-million dollar account with Kripke Pharmaceuticals and Jensen was named a full partner, not something he ever expected to happen, and CFO. There seemed to be no end of toasts to Jensen and speeches welcoming Kripke Pharmaceuticals to the Padalecki Advertising family, but the champagne and open bar went a long way to keeping everyone in good spirits. The party was supposed to be for the higher ups but as Jensen moved through the crowd, he saw interns from the art department, mailroom clerks, and administrative assistants, all of them with a smile and a slap on the back for him as he passed. If he didn’t know them by name he knew their faces and accepted their congratulations. 

“Everyone! Attention, everyone!” Jared’s voice carried across the large room, the chatter quieted down and all eyes turned to the Alpha. Jensen’s breath still caught in his chest when he looked at him. He was dressed in black slacks and a sapphire blue silk shirt, open at the throat and the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, showing off his lean forearms and those veins Jensen loved to lick. The fourteen thousand dollar Rolex Submariner flashed on his wrist. “I know between my brother and all the others who have given speeches you’re probably sick of them and just wanna enjoy the free booze and food.” There were a few hearty cheers in the affirmative. “Yeah, well, I outrank all of you,” Jared said good-naturedly, pointing to a few people in the crowd. “I just want to say a few words about Padalecki Advertising’s newest partner, my husband Jensen Padalecki. 

“I met Jensen when he was a lowly Assistant Account Manager. He was so soft spoken and shy I didn’t expect him to last long, but he did. He came out of his shell and has always worked hard. He makes old and new clients feel valued and important, takes the time to show new employees the ropes, and he has earned everything he has achieved. Jensen, I love you more than anyone or anything and I am _so_ proud of everything you have accomplished and look forward to seeing where you go from here.”

The crowd let out a chorus of “awww’s”. Jensen felt his cheeks heat. 

“He’s gonna want _your_ job next, Jay-bird!” Jared’s older brother Jeff said throwing an arm around Jared. 

“Then yours!” Jensen shouted out to the CEO.

“Ooo!” Jeff said, narrowing his eyes playfully. “Gonna keep my eye on you now, boy!”

The boisterous laughs and voices of friends and colleagues got louder as the evening wore on and the alcohol flowed. Jensen had downed glass after glass of the excellent champagne, loving the way the bubbles tickled his nose; getting more relaxed—okay, tipsy—with every swallow. He was grateful for the change in routine. He had been so devastated after what Dr. McCoy had told him, and Jared’s subsequent admission that he wasn’t sure he wanted children, that he dove into work. Jensen stayed late at the office and went away on more trips to schmooze and network. At work, things between he and Jared were cordial, normal, but at home they tended to tip toe around each other. As a result there was a gulf growing between him and his husband. It was as if he and Jared had once been whole but were now shattered and put back together wrong. Jensen wanted to fix it but wasn’t sure how. 

He moved through the crowd, smiling and greeting those who said something to him, but there was only one person he wanted to see: Jared, who after giving his speech seemed to have disappeared. Jensen did see his brother-in-law talking to someone and made his way over. 

“Hey, Jeff,” Jensen greeted.

“Hey, Jensen. Having a good time?”

“Yeah. You seen Jared around anywhere?”

Jeff glanced around the room. “Uhh, not for awhile. Have you checked his office?” 

That seemed a likely place. He didn’t think Jared would just bail on him. “No.” Jensen turned to go.

Jeff laid a hand on Jensen’s shoulder, stopping him before he could leave. “Jared’s been a little quiet lately, and you, you’re here practically 24/7. Not that I don’t appreciate your dedication, that’s why I made you partner, but…is everything okay between you two?” Jeff’s eyes intently searched Jensen’s.

Jensen dropped his gaze. “We’re fine,” he lied. Things while not being horrible between himself and Jared, they were not good either. “I’m gonna go find him.” 

“You do that.” 

Jensen wandered out into the hall and down to the bank of elevators, humming and bopping along to the music. He pressed the button to call the elevator, sipping his champagne as he waited. When the car arrived he stepped inside and hit the button. He swayed back and forth to the soft music playing in the elevator as the car rose smoothly to the eighteenth floor. The doors slid open and Jensen walked out, stumbling a little, but made it to Jared’s office. The door was open partway. Jensen poked his head in. A lamp was on but otherwise the spacious room was dark. Out the window the city of Dallas sparkled below, the sky still streaked with the deep purple of late summer sun. Something in Jensen’s chest seized as his eyes landed on Jared. He was in front of his desk, broad shoulders slumped and head bowed. 

Jensen dropped his empty champagne glass and approached the other man. Over his shoulder he saw Jared looking at a picture of them in a silver frame. A selfie Jensen had taken on the deck of the Devil’s Trap during their trip to Lake LBJ three months ago. Jared was in his low slung board shorts, his white sailor cap perched at a jaunty angle on his head, and Jensen in his Captain’s hat, both making goofy Blue Steel expressions. He wished they could rewind back to that time, back to when he thought Jared wanted a baby and Jensen thought he could give Jared one. Before everything seemed to crumble.

He wrapped his arms around Jared’s waist and pressed his cheek to his shoulder. “I miss you,” Jensen whispered, hugging him tight. That wasn’t what he meant to say but the champagne had loosened his tongue.

Jared’s big hands covered Jensen’s. He laughed, but it sounded bitter. “’M right here, Jensen. Haven’t been anywhere else. You’ve been pushin’ me away, remember?” 

He hadn’t meant to push Jared away. Jensen was trying to deal with his sorrow that he would never have children, and because Jared didn’t want them, Jensen had no one to share his disappointment with. Jensen pulled away and turned Jared around. His angular face was hidden in shadow, eyes glittering. Jensen’s grateful for the low light, afraid of what he might see written on Jared’s face or in his eyes. “Kiss me?” Jensen asked, voice small.

Jared did, all teeth and tongues, desire and a touch of desperation, devouring Jensen's mouth until his lips were swollen and tender. Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared, pressed himself close to the Alpha, and returned the kiss with as much passion as he could. The musky pheromones coming off Jared had Jensen producing slick, cock filling with blood. His hands slid through Jared’s thick hair, pressing their mouths together harder as their tongues battle for dominance. 

“Want you, Jen,” Jared panted against Jensen’s mouth, not really breaking the kiss. 

Jensen’s slick leaked between his thighs, and felt the press of Jared’s erection against his own. Something inside Jensen, something elemental, cried out for Jared, without the heat-haze driving them, just them moving together, giving and taking pleasure from one another. Jensen had made the decision to stop taking his Ompressant. He had no need of it now as a married Omega with an Alpha to get him through his heat, and his heats had been the only time Jensen turned to his husband for sex since the lake trip.

“Ugh, want you, too. So much.”

Jared’s hands pulled at the button and zipper on Jensen’s slacks. He took Jensen’s mouth in another filthy open-mouthed kiss as Jensen’s pants fell to the floor and puddled around his ankles. His boxerbriefs were stuck to his thighs, cock heavy and thick. Jensen turned, laid his palms flat on the top of the desk, bent slightly at the waist, and spread his legs. Jared’s fingers curled around the waistband and tugged them down. 

“Jared. Jared, please,” Jensen glanced over his shoulder to see Jared on his knees, nosing the slick crease of Jensen’s ass.

“Smell s’good, baby.”

Jared spread his asscheeks wide. Jensen clenched his inner muscles and felt slick drip out of him. The Alpha made a sound suspiciously like a whimper before leaning in to lick. Jensen shuddered, spread his legs as wide as he could. “Jare,” his voice choked. 

“Taste even better than you smell. Could lick you for hours.” 

Jensen groaned as Jared once more buried his face between his spread cheeks, lapping and circling his hole. Jensen scrabbled at the desk searching for purchase. His heart raced in his chest, breath coming in short hallow pants. “Jared, Jared. Please, God, Jared.” His eyes rolled back in his head as Jared sealed his mouth around his hole and sucked the slick out of him. The only thing louder than the filthy sound of it were Jensen’s moans.

“Jared, Jared, please.” He was breathless, on the edge of orgasm just from Jared’s tongue in his ass. As incredibly talented as that mouth and tongue were it wasn’t what Jensen wanted. The last time Jared fucked him, touched him, in any way approaching sexual, had been during his last heat cycle at the beginning of the month. He ached for Jared’s cock, to feel it spreading him wide, ached for the physical connection that had somehow been broken. “Fuck me. I want you to fuck me.”

Jared ceased his tongue fucking and smacked Jensen’s ass. He pushed to his feet. Jensen heard the clink of Jared’s belt buckle and the rasp of the zipper. He pressed himself tight against Jensen, Jensen felt the hot hard length of his cock. He bit his lip. Jared’s arms came around him. Jensen closed his eyes, swooned. It felt like months since he’d been this close to Jared.

“Mmm, sound so desperate, Jen.”

He nodded, hips grinding back against Jared. "I need your cock, Jared, want you to fuck me. Please, please, Alpha, fuck me.”

Jared licked a stripe up Jensen’s neck, nibbled at his ear. “Love you like this, Jen, strung out and beggin’ for me.”

Jensen dropped his head between his shoulders, a gesture of submission he didn't usually perform. A deep growl rumbled from Jared’s throat. He pushed Jensen down so his chest was flush to the desk. Jensen turned his head, resting his cheek against the polished wood. His hands moved reverently along Jensen’s sides, to his hips, fingers digging in. 

“God, so hot spread out on my desk. Wanted to do this for so long, Jen. Dreamt about it fucking you like this.” 

“Then do it. I want you to. Please, Jared.” 

“Could never deny you anything, Jen,” Jared imparted before he slammed his cock deep into Jensen, not in heat he felt the stretch and burn more acutely, but relished it. Jared pounded into Jensen with a ruthless pace. Jensen moaned like a whore and pushed back to meet his brutal thrusts. He cried out as Jared’s cockhead skated over his prostate on every push inside.

The loud slap of skin against skin, Jared’s guttural grunts and Jensen’s shouts echoed through the spacious office. Jensen felt his slick leak down his thighs every time Jared shoved in deep and hard. It was all Jensen could do to hold on and beg for more. His cock, trapped between his stomach and the desk, dribbled and smeared precum across the glossy surface. Sweat dripped down his temples, his shirt was stuck to his back and chest.

Dear God, everything felt _amazing_ ; every sensation pushed him ever closer to the edge. Their lovemaking had always been intense, all the more so because of their emotional connection, but as of late that had been absent. This was raw; animalistic. Jared was taking and owning, possessed by desire instead of obligation when Jensen was in heat. 

When Jared’s harsh rhythm started to falter, he reached a hand around to grip Jensen’s neglected cock and it was over after a couple of fast hard strokes. Jensen shouted out, as his cock erupted in Jared’s fist, sticky cum dripping through his fingers. Jared howled as he came, shooting deep and hard onto Jensen.

His Alpha collapsed against him, pressed a sweet kiss to that sensitive spot just below Jensen’s ear while milking the last drops of cum from Jensen’s twitching cock.

“Fuck, that was hot,” Jared said after a couple of beats.

“Top five best fucks, easily,” Jensen replied, breathless, legs shaking. Jared was still shooting cum inside him despite them not being tied together.

Jared’s laugh was deep and sent shivers of renewed arousal through Jensen. He pulled his cock out and a flood of cum leaked from Jensen’s open hole and ran down his thighs. He turned, Jared was still mostly hard, knot swollen at the base of his cock, wrapped his arms around Jared and kissed him hungrily. 

“I love you, Jare,” Jensen said softly, clinging to his husband, feeling inexplicably that if he lets go Jared will vanish. It had been wrong to pull away from Jared the way he had. What did it matter in the end? They loved each other, and that was the important thing. Maybe it didn’t matter so much if Jared didn’t want kids. He was still young. He could change his mind in a few years and they could look into adoption. 

Jared’s smile was warm but sad and it made Jensen’s heart tremble. “I love you, too, Jensen, so much. You’re all I’ve ever wanted.”

Jensen gagged and spat, bringing up nothing but bile. He flushed the toilet and slumped back against the stall wall of the executive washroom. He had been puking his guts up since he came into work, and this wasn’t the first time it had happened. Seemed like every day for going on three weeks he couldn’t seem to keep anything down. The knob rattled and the door was pushed open. Jensen wiped his mouth. He didn’t give a shit who came in, although he wasn’t particularly jazzed about another employee seeing him in his current state. His stomach was still trying to wage another revolt and he was not going to risk moving.

“Jensen, baby, what are you doing on the floor?” Jared rushed to the stall Jensen was currently calling home and knelt beside him, eyes clouded with worry.

“’M sick, Jare,” Jensen mumbled. He snapped his mouth closed as his stomach lurched threateningly. He was sick of being sick. He wished this damn stomach bug he’d picked up would run its course, but it was hanging on like a damn tick. Except there was a little voice in his head, growing in volume every day, telling him maybe this wasn’t the stomach flu. Stomach flu was contagious and Jared wasn’t showing any signs of coming down with it, not that he would be likely to with his Alpha immune system, but surely the Betas and other Omegas Jensen worked with and saw on a daily basis would. Everyone around him was healthy.

In addition to his persistent nausea and vomiting other new and exciting symptoms began to accompany it, though nothing as disruptive as the vomiting. His nipples were tender, the once-delicious smell of coffee turned his stomach, and Jared’s smell was sharper, and Jensen wanted to bottle it and roll around in it like a cat in catnip. If Jensen didn’t know better he would think he was pregnant but that wasn’t _possible_. He was ruined and scarred inside. Jared’s sperm couldn’t take root. He and Jared hadn’t made love since the night of the party, both too busy with work on the Kripke account and campaign and Jared hadn’t even knotted him that night. No way could Jensen be pregnant. Unconsciously his hand went to his abdomen. Yes, Jensen still very much wanted a child and was still trying to reconcile his desire with the fact that he was unlikely to have one. Maybe as a way of dealing with his grief he was having another one of those pseudo…pseudo. What had Dr. McCoy called it? Pseudo…False pregnancy. That had to be it, or possibly the stress of his new position and responsibilities at Padalecki Advertising. Maybe he should see a therapist about this. Maybe they could give him better coping mechanisms for his sorrow instead of false pregnancies.

“Lemme help you up.” Jared extended a hand. Jensen took it and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. Big mistake. His head swam, his stomach revolted. He opened his mouth to try and warn Jared but couldn’t utter anything more than “Jurg” before he was retching all over Jared’s shiny black Gucci shoes. “Knew I shouldn’t have let you come into work today. I’m takin’ you home. Can you walk?”

Jensen trembled. He wanted to argue. He had meetings all day but he was going to be no good to anyone like this. “Yeah. Please, I wanna go home.”

“Okay, baby. I got you. Lean on me.” Jared’s voice was a soothing rumble as he wrapped an arm around Jensen’s waist and helped him to the door and out into the hallway.

They received a few concerned glances from employees, a few polite inquires. Jared thanked them and gently brushed them off. 

The elevator ride did not help Jensen’s stomach and as soon as they were in the parking garage he vomited again, a wet splash on Jared’s already ruined shoes. He felt like crying, he was so miserable. “I’m sorry,” he moaned.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry. Just shoes. Let’s get you home.” 

Jensen sighed in relief as he sat in the passenger seat of Jared’s black Charger. He pressed his forehead to the window, the cool glass felt good against his flushed skin. “My car?” He asked as Jared got in the driver’s seat.

“I’ll catch a cab back and drive it home tonight.” Jared started the muscle car’s engine. Jensen braced himself for Jared to drive like a bat out of hell but he didn’t. He kept the speed near twenty five miles an hour, eased around turns, and was gentle when he brought the car to a stop. The downtown landscape sliding by was not helping his stomach; Jensen closed his eyes.

“Jensen?” Jared’s hand was on his shoulder, gently shaking him awake. “Home, babe,” Jared said staring at him from outside the car. 

Jared stripped him down to his boxer briefs and tucked him into bed. The Alpha sat perched on the edge, brushing his fingers through Jensen’s hair. “Maybe you should see a doctor.”

Jensen sighed and leaned into the touch. “No. It’s just a stomach bug.” The more he said it the less he believed it. Though it had been twenty years Jensen remembered what it felt like to be pregnant. _False pregnancy_ , he scolded himself. 

Jared smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Jen, you’re pale and drawn. You puke sometimes three times a day. You sleep all night, but more than once I’ve come in to your office to find you asleep at your desk. You need to see a doctor, maybe take some time off.” 

“Can’t do that. I’m a partner,” Jensen argued.

“Exactly: you’re a _partner_. Your name is on the damn building. You can do whatever the hell you want. Delegate, Jen. You’re running yourself into the ground, and I’m _worried_ about you. Promise me you’ll see a doctor. I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to you.”

Jared was making that concerned face with the pleading eyes and forehead crinkles; Jensen couldn’t put up a fight anymore. He was too tired and he hated seeing that worried expression constantly on Jared’s face. “Okay. I’ll make an appointment.”

Jared breathed an audible sigh, his brow smoothed out. “Good.” He kissed Jensen’s temple before standing.

“Jare?” Jensen said sleepily, snuggling into Jared’s delicious smelling pillow.

“Yeah?”

“I want some Sprite.” He hoped he didn’t sound as whiny as he thought he did. He fucking hated being sick and feeling helpless.

“Okay. I’ll run and get you some then I have to get back to the office,” Jared said, apologetic.

“I’m s’rry.”

“Don’t be sorry for being sick, Jensen. You can’t help it. I’m sorry I can’t stay here and take care of you. Once the Kripke campaign launches things should settle down.” Jensen closed his eyes, felt Jared press another kiss to his temple. “Sleep good, baby, and call if you feel worse or need anything. I’ll try and get away early.”

“’Kay.” Now that he was in their comfy good-smelling bed, his stomach seemed to settle for the first time all day and Jensen quickly succumbed to sleep.

Jensen stared at neat line of pregnancy tests on the bathroom counter. Each and every one of them showed a pink plus sign. He could—and did—easily discount one test as a false positive. He was due to go into heat soon, so his hormones were probably elevated and fucked with the test, but he had taken two more to try and disprove the first positive result. Now with three positive pregnancy tests in front of him, he couldn’t deny what he had been suspecting anymore: He was pregnant. The fact thrilled and terrified him. A year ago, this would have been the best possible thing but now…Jensen wanted this baby more than anything but his husband didn’t. He exhaled. First thing first: he had to confirm his pregnancy. He would make an appointment with Dr. McCoy and go from there. 

A week later he was in another exam room in Dr. McCoy’s office, sitting on the exam table. As he waited for his Andrologist he thought about all the things that could possibly be wrong. He had missed his heat cycle…maybe he was going into early Andropause, or maybe being off his suppressants for a year had fucked his system up somehow. Maybe he had some form of cancer. He didn’t believe any of those scenarios. He knew he was pregnant, but didn’t see how he could be. During his last visit Dr. McCoy had said he couldn’t get pregnant but yet…here he was.

“Hello, Jensen.” Dr. McCoy greeted him with a smile as she stepped into the exam room.

“Hi,” he gave a nervous little wave and smile. His nausea seemed worse today, but that could be nerves.

“What brings you here to me today?” She sat on the rolling stool, his file on her lap, attentive gaze fixed on him.

“Three positive home pregnancy tests.” He let out a high pitched laugh, ran a hand through his hair. “But I can’t be, right? That’s what you said.”

“Not exactly. I said it was unlikely. Seems as if you and your husband proved me wrong. Feel up to giving a urine sample? We can test it in our lab, though basically that is the same as the tests you have already taken, and I’ll have a nurse draw some blood for a more conclusive test.”

Jensen nodded, everything feeling muted. Dr. McCoy left the exam room and returned a few moments later with a plastic cup and directed him to the restroom down the hall. Jensen had no trouble giving a sample as he had to pee more often. He returned to the exam room where a pretty nurse in blue scrubs was waiting for him.

“Dr. McCoy will be back in to see you soon. In the meantime let me see those veins.” 

The nurse, Sophia, read her nametag, took a single tube of blood, and she was leaving just as Dr. McCoy came back in.

“All right, Jensen, our lab urine test confirmed your home test results. I would like to do an ultrasound today for a visual confirmation, since it will be a couple of days before the blood work comes back. Sound good?”

“You mean I can see my baby today?” Inside him a thrill of excitement and expectation unfurled.

“Depending on how far along you are. Lay back for me and raise your shirt. When did you first notice symptoms?”

“I don’t really know.” He flushed at the memory of being taken by Jared over his desk. That had been the last time he and Jared had made love. Everyone in the company was working hard on launching the print campaign for Kripke and organizing the TV spots that would follow. There just weren’t enough hours in the day, it seemed. “The last time my husband and I had sex was over a month ago.” 

“And have you had your heat cycle?”

Jensen laid back and pulled his shirt up to expose his abdomen. “I should be in heat _now_.”

“What are your symptoms?”

“Puking my guts up three times a day—sometimes four.”

“Not unusual, but if it doesn’t go away or gets worse let me know. Any other symptoms?” She pulled the ultrasound machine closer to the exam table, sat on the stool.

“Jared smells really good, better than he usually does, but everything else just turns my stomach.” he hissed as Dr. McCoy squeezed some cold gel on his still flat stomach. “Which does not help my nausea. And I’m tired all the time. That’s about it.”

“There are some over the counter remedies I can recommend for the nausea. If you don’t want to go that route try to eat small, frequent meals and snacks throughout the day and eat slowly. Crackers also help too.” She placed the transducer against his skin, moved it around to spread the gel. Jensen’s heart beat like a hummingbird in his chest as he looked at the blurry black and white monitor. After a few moments the picture cleared and a black spot appeared on the screen. 

“This is the gestational sac,” she indicated the area of black. “And this is what is called the yolk sac, it eventually develops into the placenta and this, is your baby.” Dr. McCoy smiled warmly at him, pointing at a small vague bean shape no bigger than her index finger.

Jensen exhaled a shuddering breath as he looked at the monitor. His eyes misted. His baby, the baby he so longed for. His heart swelled with love. “How…how far along, can you tell?”

She kept moving the transducer around, looking intently at the image. “I would say six weeks, give or take a few days.” 

Jensen blinked a felt tears trickle down his cheeks. He sniffed and wiped them away. “But…there’s no heartbeat.”

“That’s not so unusual. It’s still early. But I do want to see you back in a couple of weeks. We’ll do another ultrasound and by then we should hear the heartbeat. In the meantime try to avoid stress, which I understand is hard, but try and I’ll write you a prescription for prenatal vitamins. Do you have any questions for me?” 

“With my history and the damage and scarring…is having this baby a good idea? I mean, do you think this is a risky pregnancy?”

“I do want to keep a close eye on you and your baby. Looking at your ultrasound things seem to be progressing normally and you’re within childbearing age and in excellent health. I don’t foresee any problems. Don’t be afraid to call with any concerns. Congratulations, Jensen. I’m sure your husband is going to be ecstatic.”


	4. Chapter 4

The fast woosh-woosh of the baby’s heartbeat filled the exam room. Jensen couldn’t hold back his emotion. It seemed like the last couple of weeks every little thing set him off, but this wasn’t little. This was huge. His baby was strong and alive inside him, thriving. Dr. McCoy handed him a tissue. 

“Is…is it too early to know if it’s a boy or girl?” Jensen asked, wiping his eyes.

“Yes, you’re only 8 weeks and a few days. We can see the gender on the sonogram between sixteen and eighteen weeks. So you have a bit of a wait.” Dr. McCoy printed off a picture of the baby and powered down the machine. “I expected to see your husband with you on this visit. How did he take the news?” 

Jensen swallowed, avoided her eyes as he wiped the gel from his belly. While he wouldn’t exactly say he was showing, he had noticed that his abs were not as firm as they used to be. “I haven’t told him yet. Waiting for the right time.” 

Jensen had never made a secret about how badly he wanted children. Was it possible Jared had only said he wanted them too to appease Jensen? That was exactly the kind of guy Jared was, always putting Jensen and his wants and needs before his own—even something as life-changing as having a child. He must have felt like he dodged a bullet when Dr. McCoy had told them Jensen was unlikely to conceive. Jared wasn’t the type of guy to walk away from his responsibilities. He would be a father to the baby out of a sense of duty and obligation but not love. How could he bring a child into that environment? Jared might grow to resent the baby, resent Jensen. Maybe grow to hate them both. Jared was an Alpha; he could go on fathering children for many years—maybe the rest of his life—but Jensen was nearing his mid-thirties, still within child-bearing age, but the risks of defects and complications increased with each passing year. This felt like his last chance to have the child he so wanted but Jared…. It felt like an impossible decision: Jared or the unborn baby. 

“How are you feeling overall?”

Jensen shrugged, mind more on Jared than on himself. “Still nauseous. Bloated. I get headaches, too.”

Dr. McCoy nodded. “All lovely symptoms caused by the increased omesterone, and all normal.” She smiled and patted his shoulder. “Typically the fatigue and nausea subside in the second trimester.”

Jensen scoffed. “Yeah, but I have other things to look forward, too.”

“True enough.” She made some notes in Jensen’s file. “I want to see you back in another month. Call if you have concerns, but everything looks excellent, Jensen.”

After his appointment Jensen went back to Padalecki Advertising. He had cleared his morning so he could make his appointment with Dr. McCoy. He had just taken a seat behind his desk and woke up his computer when Jared came in. 

“Hey, Jen, where were you? I was looking for you.” 

Jensen swallowed. _I was at the Andrologist. I’m pregnant_. He willed the truth to come but couldn’t get the words to come, crushed by fear and uncertainty. His stomach roiled, his morning sickness and nerves were a horrible combination. The little bit of toast he had managed to eat at breakfast was threatening to come back up. “I had brunch with a prospective client, a local law firm looking for more exposure.” He was surprised at how easy the lie had come. Part of him wanted Jared to see through it, but he just gave a distracted nod. 

“Well, Lindberg needs the quarterly expense reports. So can you get them to him ASAP?”

“Sure. Not a problem.”

Jared turned and left and Jensen promptly vomited into the waste can. He had to tell Jared but wasn’t sure he could, knowing how Jared felt about having children. Maybe Jensen could feel him out a little. See if it was possible he might change his mind. 

That night for dinner Jared wanted Thai. It was the last thing Jensen wanted and it was all he could do not to bolt from the dining room as Jared shoveled the foul looking and horrible smelling food into his mouth. Jensen nursed his Sprite, now as when he was pregnant all those years ago, the lemon-lime soda was the only thing that helped settle his stomach. 

“Babe?” Jared’s voice was muffled as he stuffed himself full of slimy-looking noodles. “Ya okay?”

 _Jared I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant, Jared. Just tell him, you coward_. Jensen took a careful sip of his soda. “’M fine.” 

“You sure? You’re not eating. Your stomach still buggin’ you?”

“A little.” A little of the truth mixed in with the lie made it more palatable.

“You said you would go see a doctor,” Jared’s gaze locked with his, stern.

“I will. Just with Kripke and everything…kinda hard to find the time.”

“I know, but, you are the most important person in the world to me, Jen. No account is worth your health.”

 _I’m pregnant._ “I’m…” His heart throbbed and his throat closed up. “This food is making me sick. I’m gonna go watch some TV.” He went into the living room and turned on the television, not really watching it. A few moments later, Jared sat on the sofa beside him, arm around his shoulders. Jensen wanted to sink into his solid warmth, inhale his strong delicious scent, but he sat rigid beside his husband. 

Jared reached for the remote and turned on the local Fox station. The World Series was on. The Rangers were playing the Cards, and Texas was down by one. “You want a beer?” Jared asked.

Jensen shook his head. He had to think of some leading questions, gauge Jared’s reaction and interest in children. As Mike Napoli strode to the plate, Jensen swallowed. He had talked to Jason a week or so ago, he was expecting his second child in as many years. 

“They’re gonna walk ‘im,” Jared said, shaking his head

“They won’t—not an intentional walk anyway.” Jensen’s voice sounded distant and weak. “Lead-off walks hurt you.” 

“Cards know Napoli can hurt you more.”

“There’s no one on base,” he said absently, wiping his sweaty hands on his thighs. Jared shrugged one broad shoulder. “I heard from Jason. He’s pregnant again.” He held his breath while he waited for Jared’s reaction.

“Walked ‘im! I knew it!” Jared howled, as Napoli jogged down to first.

Jensen’s stomach twisted. No reaction, but then Jared didn’t really know Jason that well—or like him seeing Jensen had briefly dated him. “Ally is pregnant, too.” 

“That’ll make three for her and your brother, right?”

Jensen nodded, finally a reaction from Jared that wasn’t about the baseball game. With a shaking hand he reached out and ran his fingers through Jared’s long, soft, brown hair. He hoped their baby inherited Jared’s hair and dimples. “It got me thinking about us.”

Jared looked away from the game, eyes sympathetic. Hope flared in Jensen’s chest. “I told you, Jen, I’m more than okay with not having kids. I have you,” he tugged Jensen close to his side, nuzzled his neck. “You are more than enough. I like our life the way it is.”

The hope inside Jensen withered and died, like a flame deprived of oxygen. His hand went to his belly as if to protect the baby from Jared’s words. 

“We have a great life. We don’t need the upheaval a kid would bring. Know what we should do?”

Jensen shook his head, his head feeling fuzzy and a buzz of static droned in his ears. He wanted to get out of the room but couldn’t seem to coordinate his limbs.

“After everything gets settled with Kripke, we should go to Europe. I don’t mean to just one city. I’m talking the whole Grand Tour kinda thing: London, Paris, Rome. We could even do one of those Mediterranean cruises if you wanted. Kinda like a second honeymoon. Sound good, babe?”

Jensen couldn’t speak. He had heard from Jared’s own mouth how he felt about kids. They would bring ‘upheaval’ and the way Jared said it told Jensen he hadn’t meant the good kind. He couldn’t tell Jared about their baby now. He wanted to cry and as much as he wanted to blame the hormones he couldn’t. His heart was breaking. What was he going to do?

Jensen stared at himself in the mirror trying to see if he looked different, had that “glow” of pregnancy so often talked about. He didn’t think so. He looked like he always did; same hazel-green eyes and freckles, his crows feet were a little deeper, but he looked handsome and healthy. He rubbed at one pec, wincing at how sensitive his nipples were, and noted that it felt softer than usual. His gaze drifted lower, the Egyptian cotton towel hung low on his hips. There was a perceptible Buddha belly where once had been a cut and defined six-pack. He was both in awe and embarrassed by the changes his body was undergoing. He had worked hard to turn his naturally willow and lithe Omega body into something muscular, lean, and cut and slowly it was melting away, but for the most wonderful reason. 

He was almost five months pregnant. Thankfully his morning sickness had passed and he was constantly horny. Jared’s musky-sweet Alpha pheromones seemed to ooze from every pore. Jensen was a walking hard on and slick between his thighs most times Jared was around. In addition to the changes in his body, there were also changes in his relationship with Jared. Now that he knew Jared didn’t want their baby he found himself pulling away from him. He brushed off Jared’s attempts to initiate lovemaking, and waited until he was sure Jared was asleep before going to bed. If Jared tried to embrace him in his sleep, Jensen would slip out of bed, and go across the hall to the guest room to sleep. 

He still wasn’t sure what he wanted to do, other than he was going to keep his baby. At some point he was going to have to come clean. He had briefly thought of just packing and leaving Jared one day, not even bothering with a note, but he was still very much in love with his husband and couldn’t be that cruel to Jared.

“Hey, babe,” Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen, kissed his neck. He wanted to sink into the warmth of that embrace, turn, wrap his arms around Jared’s neck and kiss him, but he couldn’t allow himself. He stiffened, heart beating a ticker-tape pace in his chest, afraid Jared’s hands would go lower and notice his little belly; although, it could pass as the start of a beer gut. “Admiring your perky little nipples?” Jared tweaked one. Jensen cried out and shoved an elbow into Jared’s stomach.

Jared doubled over, gasping. When he recovered he fixed Jensen with wounded and confused eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think I pinched you that hard.” His mouth opened and closed, as if he wanted to say something else but decided not to. “I’m sorry.” He sounded lost.

Jensen’s eyes stung. I wasn’t Jared’s fault, not really. He kept trying, reaching out to Jensen, but Jensen was slowly and surely shutting him out. What choice did he have? When Jared found out the truth their marriage would be over anyway. The idea of losing Jared terrified him, but he wasn’t ready to let him go yet. He thought, fleetingly, as he saw Jared wander aimlessly into the bedroom and sit on the edge of their bed, that maybe what he was doing might be crueler than just up and leaving.

 

“All right, Jensen, you’ve gained seven and a half pounds since your last visit,” Dr. McCoy said as Jensen stepped off the scale. “How are you feeling overall?”

Jensen sat back down on the exam table and extended his arm so the Andrologist could take his blood pressure. “I feel pretty good.” That was true, physically Jensen felt like he had before his pregnancy but emotionally he was a wreck. The constant lying and hiding was wearing on him. “I’m not puking my guts up anymore. I’m still bloated and sometimes my ankles and hands swell.”

“Your blood pressure is a little higher than I’d like. Are you trying to avoid stress?”

Jensen nodded. “Yeah, but my husband and I are having problems, so it’s not easy.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, but, Jensen, you need to do your best, for you and your baby. Lay back and lift up your shirt.”

Jensen did as instructed and Dr. McCoy palpated his abdomen, making approving noises. Then she took out a tape measure and measured the growing swell of his belly. She noted everything In Jensen’s chart. “Have you decided if you want to have an amniocentesis?”

“No. I know the miscarriage risk is small, but any risk is too much for me.”

Dr. McCoy nodded. “I’m going to have Sophia come in and take some blood and I’ll need you to give a urine sample.” She explained what the blood and urine tests were for. “After, we can take a look at your baby on the ultrasound.”

Jensen wept quietly as his baby appeared on the ultrasound monitor. He touched the delicate newly formed hands with his finger. It truly was a miracle. His baby had grown so much since his last visit. He desperately wished Jared was here with him, looking at the baby they made, borne of their love and passion. A wave of sadness broke over him. Every day that love was waning, every time Jensen moved away from Jared’s touch, though he craved it, every time Jared gave him one of those pitiful hang-dog expressions, silently asking what he had done wrong. Jensen didn’t know what to say or do so he did nothing, and the rift between them was quickly becoming a chasm. At times Jensen wondered if it was worth it.

“Your baby is a little camera shy today, so I can’t tell the gender,” Dr. McCoy said apologetically.

Jensen sniffed and wiped his eyes. He didn’t really care, because like Jared had said over a year ago when they started this journey together—the journey Jensen was traveling and would finish alone—all that mattered was that the baby was healthy.

When Jensen arrived home, Jared was pacing the living room. 

“There you are. I was starting to get worried. No one at the office knew where you disappeared to.” Jared crossed the room, moved to embrace Jensen but Jensen sidestepped him. “Where were you?”

“Out. Aren’t I allowed any time to myself?” Jensen snapped. “My life is more than just being your husband and Padalecki Advertising.” Jensen headed into the kitchen. He was starving.

“Will you come sit with me in the living room?” Jared sounded hesitant. It was an odd inflection to hear from the Alpha. “I got something I want to show you, an early Christmas present.”

“I’m hungry, Jared. I want to eat then go to bed.” Jensen-speak for ‘I want to avoid you’. 

“Please, Jensen?” Jared was begging and Jensen didn’t have it in him to refuse again. 

He followed Jared back into the living room and sat on the arm chair parallel to the sofa. “What?”

Jared’s expression transformed to one of excited expectation. “Remember we talked about going on a Grand Tour of Europe? I talked to our travel agent earlier.” Jensen swallowed, tried to steady his breathing. “The Kripke campaign launches in a week and after….we’re going to be on a private plane to London!” Jensen’s mouth dropped open as Jared slapped down several travel brochures. “And after London, we head to Paris. From there we go to Venice, then Florence and Rome. From Rome we catch the MSC _Divina_ for a cruise along the Mediterranean to our final destination of Greece!” 

“No, Jared, not like _we_ talked about, like _you_ talked about! I didn’t agree to any of this.” In truth Jensen was overwhelmed by the scope and effort Jared had put into this. He must have been planning for weeks. He saw the light go out of Jared’s eyes and knew he had broken something in his husband. “Why would you do something like this and not even _talk_ to me about it?”

Jared stood, shook his head, huffed incredulously. “It was a surprise.” His voice was ice. His shoulders shifted and jaw clenched, like he was gearing up for a fight. Some small part of Jensen wanted that, wanted them to fight, then Jensen could leave and this farce could end. Jared gazed down at the glossy brochures for the great European cities then to Jensen and all the fight seemed to go out of him, leaving him flat. “I don’t know what you want anymore. I thought if we could get away we could fix what’s broken between us.” His gaze shifted to Jensen and the pain and heartbreak in his slanted eyes was palpable. “Is there anything to fix?”

Jensen’s throat dried up. He struggled not to let his tears fall. He could feel the best and happiest years he’d ever known hanging by a thread and he himself held the shears.

They stared at each other. Jared cracked first. His mouth trembled. His eyes shimmered with tears unshed. He exhaled a long shaky breath, his expression forlorn, beseeching. “Whatever it was I did, I’m _sorry_. I love you so much, Jensen. I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

“You wanna do something nice for me? Leave me the hell alone!” He stormed from the room, up the stairs and into the spare room—he really thought of it as the nursery—the bedroom Jensen occasionally slept in alone, and slammed the door behind him. He sank to the floor, back against the door, legs no longer able to support him. He hadn’t meant that, any of it. He loved the idea of going to Europe, having one last blast together before Jensen was too far along to travel and the baby came, but it just couldn’t be. It was getting harder and harder to keep up the lie. If he could just get through the holidays, he would come clean. His belly was growing, soon he wouldn’t have much choice; the baggy clothes would only work for so long. Something had to give.

“And the focus group’s response to the new slogan has been positive.” Jensen’s voice was even as he addressed Jeff Morgan and Jim Beaver, CEO and President, respectively, of J&J Insurance. The mock ups from the art department were on easels around the room, emphasizing trust and integrity. They were recovering from a bit of a PR nightmare and wanted to revamp their image. Misha Collins, the Vice President of Accounting, was caught embezzling from a company sponsored charity. He had been skimming for years, but seemed to have gotten greedy as well as sloppy when it came to fudging the numbers to cover up his crime. Jensen wasn’t sure if it was ego or complacency. What research he had done on Collins led him to believe it was a little of both. 

“Thank you for taking the time to meet with us on such short notice.” Morgan got to his feet and extended a hand, Beaver following. 

“Not a problem.” Jensen rose and shook each man’s hand, giving them a winning smile. “Don’t hesitate to contact me or anyone here at Padalecki Advertising with any questions.” Jared was really much better at this than he was but Jared was dealing with Lauren Cohan from Cohan Cosmetics who was a self-important diva and client from hell, but her account was worth a few million dollars. Jared once told Jensen she didn’t like dealing with Jensen because he was so much prettier than her. Jensen had smacked Jared upside the head for that...but he didn’t disagree. 

Jensen showed them out of his office with more smiles and reassurances. Once they were gone and he closed the door behind them, he sighed and checked his watch. The meeting ran long and now he was going to be late for his appointment with Dr. McCoy. He buttoned his suit jacket. Nearing his sixth month, it was getting harder and harder to hide his belly. He made sure to always be behind his desk or a table, or chair. He felt like an actor or actress on a TV show trying to hide their pregnancy. _Isn’t that what you’re doing, Jensen? Hiding and lying_. And waiting for the roof to cave in. Which, by the suspicious glances Jared frequently sent his way, was probably sooner rather than later. The Christmas and New Year’s holidays were over, but Jensen still hadn’t told Jared he was pregnant. He wasn’t sure why not, other than he didn’t want his marriage to end. 

He strode down the corridor, giving tight smiles to those he passed. As he was nearing the sanctuary of the elevators Jared turned a corner and saw him. Jensen kept walking, eyes averted, keeping things status quo. As he passed Jared he let out a sigh but Jared’s fingers closed firm around Jensen’s bicep, stopping him. Jensen looked from where he was holding him up into Jared’s face, a cynical mask that did not fit with the man Jensen loved. “Rushing off to meet with a client?”

Jensen pulled his arm from Jared’s grip. “You don’t tell me where you go and when. Why should I?” 

“ _I’m_ not the one keeping secrets.” Jared hissed. He huffed out a breath, shook his head, before he turned and walked away. Jensen stared at his retreating back, wanting so bad to call him back. It had been obvious in Jared’s tone what he thought Jensen was doing. Jensen knew he himself was partially to blame for what Jared was thinking, but it hurt that Jared thought Jensen capable of infidelity when nothing could be farther from the truth. 

Jensen arrived at his appointment with Dr. McCoy fifteen minutes late thanks to the overlong meeting and traffic. He sat in the exam room struggling not to cry. Everything was in such a shambles. This was a dangerous game he was playing and he thought, as he stared at the chart of male and female Omega anatomy that it was time to end it. He was going to have to tell Jared and come what may. 

The door to the exam room opened and Dr. McCoy poked her pretty dark head in, a calm smile on her face. “Hello, Jensen. How are we today?”

Jensen exhaled, heart heavy. “Tired.” He stood so she could record his weight.

Dr. McCoy nodded, marking down his weight in his chart. “Excessively?”

“No, emotionally.” Jensen rubbed his forehead as he extended an arm so she could take his blood pressure. The room was quiet as she inflated the arm cuff. It squeezed his arm but he tried to keep relaxed. 

She sighed and shook her head as she deflated the cuff. “Little high. What did I say about avoiding stress?”

Jensen lay back on the exam table, pulling his shirt up to display his belly. “I’m trying.” It wasn’t easy when you were keeping your pregnancy a secret from your husband who didn’t want children.

“Try harder,” she scolded as she vertically measured Jensen’s belly with a tape measure. 

Jensen nodded as she noted her findings in his file. “Any complaints?”

Jensen shook his head. “Not really. Still feel pretty good overall. My back aches sometimes but that’s about it. I thought pregnancy would be worse than this.” He huffed a laugh, running a hand though his hair. 

“See how you feel in a couple of months.” She looked over something in his file. “Your glucose readings from your last visit are normal and the quad screening results show no abnormalities with your baby.”

Jensen smiled and petted the tight, slightly itchy, skin of his abdomen. “That’s such a relief.”

“I would like you to give another urine sample, because your blood pressure is staying higher than I’d like. You say you’re having difficulties in your marriage, so it could be stress related, but I want to keep an eye out for Proteinuria, protein spillage, that could indicate preeclampsia. We’ll get that done and then we can take a look at your baby.” 

Jensen nodded, eager to see how much his baby had grown in the last weeks. He felt faint little flutters now and again, but nothing like kicks or punches he had been expecting. He supposed they would come later. He was looking forward to it. Dr. McCoy left the room for a couple of minutes and came back with a sample cup and directed Jensen to the men’s room. After he returned the urine sample to her, he climbed back on the exam table and rucked up his shirt. 

Dr. McCoy spread the clear gel over his belly with the transducer; slowly his baby came into focus, already so much bigger than before. “Would you like to know the gender?”

He didn’t hesitate. He had a nursery he had to think about decorating and while he wanted to keep things gender neutral he wanted to get a list of names going. “Yes. Yes, please.”

“It’s a girl.”

He gazed in wonder as his unborn daughter moved. He could make out her nose—looked like Jared’s uptilted nose to Jensen, her perfect head and the bones of her spine. She was getting so big and she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. “Is…is she _swallowing_? Is that what that motion is? That’s what it looks like.” 

“Yes, indeed, she is. She can hear as well, so don’t be afraid to talk to her.”

“And she’s healthy and…” Jensen was overcome and a small sob escaped him.

“Perfectly healthy and on schedule for her arrival in the spring.”

Jensen didn’t return to Padalecki Advertising after his appointment with Dr. McCoy. He stopped by Babies R Us and looked at the cute girlie clothes and toys, mentally picking out what he wanted. Girl or not he was still going to get her a Batman onesie. A sales associate helped him start and add things to a gift registry for his daughter. Before his appointment with his Andrologist he had felt like there was plenty of time to prepare for his daughter’s arrival, but now as he picked out cribs, dressers and changing tables, he realized there was so much to do and time was getting shorter and shorter. Soon he wouldn’t be able to move well enough to paint the nursery, or put up wallpaper and cute little decals. Not to mention putting the furniture together and getting it arranged the way he wanted. 

Part of Jensen was wary of buying things for his unborn daughter, in case the unthinkable happened and he miscarried. Maybe it was a little superstitious, but he didn’t want to court trouble. He didn’t want to leave the store empty handed though, so he bought a Winnie the Pooh crib set, including sheets, bumpers, blanket, and a mobile with baby Piglet, Eeyore, Tigger and Pooh. When he arrived home he locked them in the trunk of his BMW and went into the house. 

Feeling weary by the weight of his lies he trudged upstairs and to the spare room—his daughter’s nursery. He imagined how it would look painted a soft sunny yellow. He’d decided on a Winnie the Pooh theme and wanted to put up a border of the Hundred Acre Wood. Everything was so different than how he had dreamed it would be. He’d thought Jared would come with him to his OB/Andro appointments. He crossed the room to the bed, rooted around beneath the mattress and pulled out the baby book. He sat down and placed the newest sonogram picture inside. He traced the picture with a finger. His baby daughter, and he would meet her in a few months. He tucked the baby book back under the mattress and went into the room he shared with Jared. It was hard lying next to Jared at night, listening to his breathing, but not always sleep. Jensen was having bad dreams lately and wanted to seek comfort in Jared’s arms but couldn’t. The minute Jared held him close he would feel the swell of Jensen’s stomach and then he would know.

Jensen retrieved a bottle of cocoa butter lotion from the medicine cabinet. He stripped off his tie and pinstriped Oxford shirt. He looked at himself in the mirror, gone were the washboard abs and in their place a definite baby bump. He squeezed out some of the lotion and smeared it on the itchy skin of his belly, sighing at the relief. 

He hoped he would be a good father to her, give her everything she would need and raise her to be a good person. He had always thought Jared would make a good father, too, as he was part kid himself. He knew it would be hard doing it on his own but he was better off than some. His daughter was part of Jared and he wanted her to know him. He was such a great person, loyal, smart, and funny, but Jensen wasn’t going to force him into being a parent. It would do his daughter more harm than good. Jensen may have to live with the fact that she wasn’t wanted by one of her fathers, but he was determined she never know. 

“Jensen!” Jared’s voice was a shocked gasp. 

Jensen jumped as if scalded by the sound of his husband’s voice. Jared was standing in the doorway, gazing at Jensen and his belly in shock and wonder. Jensen thought he saw the corners of Jared’s mouth twitch up into a smile. Jensen had one blissful moment to think everything would be all right before Jared’s gaze hardened and his jaw snapped shut.

“It would seem congratulations are in order.” Jared came into the room, steps slow and deliberate, staring at Jensen’s belly. “Does the proud father know?”

Jensen swallowed hard, the accusation stinging. “You’re the father.”

“Bullshit!” Jared exploded. “You’ve been sneaking around for months. For _months_ , Jensen! All those “meetings with clients” you supposedly had? I checked with your assistant, you _never had any_ meetings with clients, prospective or otherwise. You always cleared your schedule!”

“Just hear me out. I had a reason for everything I did.”

Jared laughed, loud and harsh. “Oh, I bet you did. Going to some no-tell motel to meet your lover?”

“No, no, never.” Jensen felt his eyes fill with tears. Their child moved inside him, probably reacting to Jensen’s distress. He bet his blood pressure was through the roof now. “This baby is yours.” 

“If that baby were mine you would have told me! Who have you been fucking? Tell me!” Jared’s voice boomed as he encroached on Jensen’s personal space. Jensen tried to swallow, throat gone dry. He backed away, wrapping his arms around his stomach. He didn’t think Jared would hit him, but he had never seen Jared act this way. He was cold and his eyes cruel. He remembered screaming and trying to get away from the four Alphas who attacked him when he was twelve. He felt like that scared kid all over again. Never thought it would be _Jared_ making him feel that way.

“No one! I swear! Jare—“ Jared snarled, turned on his heel and slammed his fist into the wall with a dull thud. Jensen jumped. He had never seen Jared violent like this, hadn’t thought he was _capable_ of it. It was terrifying. For the first time he could fully appreciate that Jared was bigger and stronger than him, Alpha in all ways. He smelled the testosterone coming off Jared in waves, acrid and sour, nothing at all like his usual musky-sweet scent or the pheromones he emitted during arousal. This was the scent of an Alpha who believed himself to be deeply transgressed.

“This baby is yours!” Jensen had a ludicrous thought about The Bride in _Kill Bill_ , pleading for her life and that of her baby before Bill shot her. “Why don’t you believe me?” Jensen sobbed. 

“Wh—why don’t I believe you?” Jared’s voice was in a hysterical register. “Last time we fucked I _didn’t even knot you_. You didn’t even come to me the last time you were in heat. Stupid me thought you had gone back on your suppressants, but I knew that couldn’t be true because you didn’t have that faint medicinal smell they give you. When was the last time you even let me see you naked? When was the last time you let me touch you, or fuck you? Who have you been giving it up to, huh? Who?!”

“No one, Jared! You’re the only one I’ve _ever_ let knot me, the _only one_. And my heats haven’t come because I’m pregnant with _your_ baby. _Your daughter_!”

“Liar!” Jared howled. He stormed over to the huge walk-in closet and tugged out a suitcase and began tossing clothes in it helter-skelter.

He rushed over to Jared, kept one arm wrapped protectively around him stomach, and reached out to touch his shoulder. “Jare, what are you doing?”

“What do you think? I’m leaving your cheating ass!”

Jensen’s heart pounded. Of all the scenarios, reactions, he thought would happen when Jared found out he had _never_ thought of this. Jared looked _gutted_ at the idea that the baby wasn’t his. How could that be when Jared said he didn’t want children? 

“You know, Jensen, this is the very last thing I would have ever expected of you.” Jared zipped up his suitcase and dragged it to the door. “Hope the three of you will be very happy together.”

Jensen struggled to say something, _anything_ to keep Jared from leaving. His mouth opened and closed but nothing came out. Tears flowed down his cheeks and sobs spilled from his throat. He went down the stairs as fast as he could, but Jared was already gone, the door slamming shut behind him reverberating like a thunderclap.


	5. Chapter 5

Jensen’s fingers clenched and unclenched around the steering wheel. He had been sitting in his car for the last hour, maybe more, working up the courage to get out and head up to Jeff’s office and hand in his resignation. He had been calling Jared both on his cell and at his office for the past few days, each passing day more and more intermittently. While he wanted Jared to come back, wanted them to try and work things out he recognized when he was fighting a losing battle. Jared had passed his judgment and wanted nothing more to do with Jensen. While Jensen’s heart was broken it was for his daughter he felt the most pain, not ever to know her other father and what a good man he was. Now Jensen was putting in motion a plan to try and move on with his life. He would move away from Dallas, find a place somewhere, settle down to raise his daughter. He figured he would get some kind of settlement in a divorce. Texas was a community property state so Jared wouldn’t be able to take everything from him. He took out his cell and dialed the number to Jared’s office.

“Jared Padalecki’s office, how can I help you?” His assistant Alexis answered.

“It’s Jensen again.”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Padalecki, but the other Mr. Padalecki hasn’t been in yet. Would you like to leave another message?”

“No, no message, thank you. Can you tell me the last time he was in his office?”

“End of business day Tuesday.”

“Thank you.” Jensen ended the call. Tuesday. That had been the day everything went to hell. Jared seemed to have gone to ground. Jensen’s stomach twisted with worry. It was unlike Jared to be inaccessible to his clients. He wondered if Jeff had heard from him or his sister Megan. They probably had. Jared had probably told them the whole sordid story. The whole office probably knew. The idea of seeing the angry glares or snide whispers behind his back was almost enough to keep him from ever going into the high-rise again, but it had to be done. With Herculean effort he uncurled his fingers from the steering wheel. He grabbed the envelope containing the resignation letter he had spent the better part of two days composing. If he was thinking about the letter he was not thinking about Jared and the fact that his marriage was over or the look of unfathomable sadness and betrayal on Jared’s face as he had said “this is the very last thing I would have _ever_ expected of you”. 

He took the elevator from the parking garage in splendid solitude. The doors opened onto the eighteenth floor, the floor that housed Jeff, Jared’s and Jensen’s offices as well as a couple of other top account executives. Feeling jittery he walked down the hall. His new burgundy Versace suit was tailored to fit his pregnant body, not hide it. He got a few stunned looks at his belly, a few smiles and a couple of people offered congratulations. Jensen accepted them all as gracious as he could, feeling marginally better about things. It would seem Jared hadn’t told anyone of their private matter, not that they ever aired their private family dramas at the office before. They always kept things professional at the office, except for the night they conceived their daughter, but that wasn’t technically a work day. That didn’t mean he hadn’t confided in his big brother Jeff. Jeff and Jared always were close and Jensen was not looking forward to the reception he would receive if Jared had indeed told him. If he was honest he was kind of terrified of Jeff’s reaction. Jeff was even bigger than Jared, and as Jared was six foot five, that was saying something, and not as even-tempered as Jared.

The door to the CEO’s outer office was open. Jensen peered inside to see Jeff’s executive assistant, Katie, at her desk typing rapidly on her computer, gaze focused on her work. There was a woman in a lavender pantsuit with a black portfolio waiting on the crème colored couch. Jensen was not sure if he should just go into Jeff’s office without permission, though he was still employed here. In the end he cleared his throat to catch Katie’s attention. 

“Mr. Padalecki will be with you momentarily, Ms. Ferris,” she said with an edge of irritation in her voice.

“Katie,” Jensen said softly.

She looked away from her computer. Her eyes widened when she took in his pregnant belly. She stood and hugged him. “Oh, Jensen, how wonderful! When are you due?”

“Spring. May. Is Jeff in?” 

“Sure is.”

Jensen exhaled as he approached the door to Jeff’s inner sanctum. His hand shook as he gripped the knob.

Jeff was behind his massive walnut desk on the phone. “You’re being an ass. I hope you know that.” There was a beep as he ended the call and a clatter as he tossed his Galaxy on the desk. Jensen swallowed, not sure what to make of the tail end of the conversation he had walked in on. 

“That was your husband, by the way.” Jeff’s gaze traveled to Jensen’s belly, but his face was impassive. “He told me you were a cheating bastard and had gotten knocked up by some other guy.”

Jensen ignored that, but his eyes watered at the harsh words. “I came to give you this.” He held out the envelope containing his resignation letter. 

Jeff stood to his full impressive height and came around the desk. He took the envelope from Jensen, opened it, and took out the letter. He pulled out a pair of glasses from his breast pocket, perched them on his nose and began to read. As he read, his brows came together in a frown and his mouth turned down. When he was done he peered at Jensen from over the rims of his glasses. “No.” 

“No?”

“No, I don’t accept your resignation. Jared is off brooding in his Fortress of Solitude somewhere, and now you’re gonna try and do the same thing. _Both_ of you are asses then.”

Jensen shook his head, feeling like he had been picked up and plucked down in another conversation. “I’ve tried to talk to him! He won’t answer my calls!”

“Give him some time. He’s hurting.”

“I’m hurting, too!” Jensen was aware he didn’t really have much of a leg to stand on. He had been pushing Jared away for months, sneaking, to use Jared’s word, around to make OB/Andro appointments. 

What other conclusion could Jared come to? _If he trusted me it never would have entered his mind this wasn’t his baby_. That argument led him back to putting the blame on himself. He should have told him as soon as he found out he was pregnant, things would be so very different. “My husband left me and I didn’t do anything.” He knew that wasn’t exactly true, but he was innocent of what Jared had so cruelly accused him of.

Jeff sighed, leaned back against his desk, crossed his legs at the ankles. “I know, and now that he’s stopped acting like an Alpha who just popped his knot, he knows it too. He’s ashamed of the way he acted, the things he said.”

“I miss him.” He sounded like a small child. 

Jeff sighed heavily, fixed Jensen with an empathetic gaze. “You two are so in love with each other it’s sickening. I think you’ll work it out. You’re made for each other. And about this,” he shook the letter of resignation. “I’m going to put you on extended paternity leave. You’re pretty far along and need to avoid stress. I want my nephew or niece—”

“Niece.”

Jeff smiled, bright like Jared but lacking the dimples. “I want my niece to be nice and big and healthy.”

“Thanks, Jeff.”

“We’re a family business, Jensen. Tend to your family.”

The soon-to-be-nursery looked like the newborn and infant department at Babies R Us had exploded. He thought he should finally do some preparations for his daughter’s impending arrival while he was still relatively mobile. As he was heading into his seventh month he was noticing that he was steadily gaining weight, belly getting bigger and he was starting to tire easily. Jensen sat on the bed surrounded by all the baby’s new things, cutting off tags and neatly folding and organizing them. He had at least a couple of dozen sets of clothes, some for the warmer weather and some for cooler temperatures, onesies of every color and design, booties, hats, bibs, rattles, and binkies. He splurged on a navy blue Danzo Diaper bag, and bought a carseat and stroller. 

He had paint swatches of various shades of blue, mint green, yellow pinned to the walls, and pictures of the baby furniture he thought he’d want to buy. He would need some help getting the current furnishings moved out. It gave him a sense of pride and accomplishment getting his home ready for his daughter. He wondered if this was what was referred to as “nesting”. If it was that wasn’t all it was. He knew some of this was retail therapy to take his mind off the state of his marriage. He had yet to hear from his estranged husband despite Jeff’s reassurances that Jared would come around. Ashamed or not, Jared should man up. _What about_ your _part in all this, Jensen_ , a snide voice asked. After all he was not completely blameless. Jensen told that voice to shut up.

From somewhere underneath the clothing and accessories yet to be folded and sorted Jensen could hear his phone trilling. He dug around until he felt to cool smooth glass of the touch screen. His breath caught in his chest when he saw that Jared was calling. He swiped to answer.

“Hello?”

Silence, then a soft, uncertain, “Hi, Jen.”

Jensen exhaled, eyes closing as Jared’s deep familiar voice crackled in his ear. He hadn’t realized how much he needed to hear Jared’s voice, to _know_ he was okay. He opened his eyes and fought for calm. “Hi.” It came out more watery and strangled than he would have liked. 

“Are you okay?” both men asked at the same time.

“Are you okay?” Jared asked again.

Jensen licked his lips, touched the baby Tigger on the front of a tiny t-shirt. “Okay. Considering.” After a beat he asked, “You?”

“I miss you. Jensen, I’m _sorry_.” Jared’s voice cracked. The line was quiet but for Jared’s shaky breathing but when he spoke again he sounded calmer. “There’s no excuse for how I acted. You think…can I come see you?”

Jensen swallowed, emotion swelling in his chest making his throat tight. Jared wasn’t completely to blame here, but he’s the one who left. He was the one who believed the worst in Jensen and that still cut deep. But it was more than that. Jared had scared Jensen in a way he hadn’t been scared in two decades and that shook something in him he thought was unshakeable—the knowledge that Jared would never hurt him, now he wasn’t so sure. “I don’t…I’m not ready to see you yet. You _scared_ me, Jared. There is a dent in our bedroom wall that _you_ put there.”

Jared was quiet for so long Jensen wondered if the connection hadn’t been lost. “I understand and I’m sorry. You can never know how much. The look in your eyes…” He was crying, Jensen could hear it in his voice, the little tremor and wet sound around the edges of his words. “Can I call again tomorrow then? I wanna hear your voice.”

Jensen smiled, as he petted his belly, their daughter getting a bit more active. “I’d like that, Jare.”

 

The next night, as Jensen was sitting down to dinner his phone rang. A little charge of anticipation zinged through him at the thought of hearing Jared’s voice. “Hey, Jen,” Jared sounded tired.

Jensen’s knit in a frown of concern. “Hey, you okay?”

Jared sighed. “Yeah. I had lunch with Natalia Cordova and Genevieve Cortese. They own a string of high-end fashion boutiques and Genevieve kept clamoring for my attention, and I don’t mean in my professional capacity. I kept showing my wedding ring, mentioning my pregnant husband, but she didn’t care.”

A jealousy flared white-hot in Jensen. “Bitch.” The word was out of Jensen’s mouth before he could stop it.

Jared laughed, low and sexy. “Rowrrr, those pregnancy hormones are makin’ you fierce. I like.”

When it came to Jared, Jensen could be just as territorial as an Alpha. “Did they sign with our agency?” Jensen figured if they had he was going to have to go back to work, mark his territory.

“I told them I didn’t think we could meet their needs. Lotta double talk at that lunch. I think I need a rape shower.” A heavy silence fell between them. “Shit, Jensen. I’m sorry.” He exhaled sharply. “I seem to be saying that a lot lately.”

“S’okay.” Jared hadn’t meant anything by it and most of the time Jensen managed not to think about what had happened to him all those years ago. He refused let it haunt him and be defined by it. To do so was to give his attackers (who had only served a total of eight months in a juvenile detention center) more power over him. “What are you doing tonight?”

“Got some copy to go over. At some point I should order room service.”

“Where are you staying anyway?”

“Got a suite at the Hyatt. You know, when I came back in to the office Jeff tore me a new one for acting like “an ignorant knothead”.”

“Well, was he wrong?” Jensen grinned.

“No, not at all. I needed that kick in my ass. How are you feeling?” 

“Good to fair.” He liked that Jared was interested in how he was doing but if they were going to try and put their relationship back together they needed to talk about what went wrong. Jared had looked devastated when he thought Jensen was pregnant by someone else, but he had told Jensen he didn’t want kids. “Are we ever going to talk about it?” Jensen said voice cool and even.

There was a long pause, the shuffling sound as Jared shifted, uncomfortable with the question or making himself comfortable. “Don’t you think we should do that face to face?”

Jensen swallowed. His eyes drifted to the dent in the wall Jared’s fist had made. That could have been his face or, God forbid, his abdomen had Jared not reined in his Alpha temperament at the last few seconds. “No.” After a beat he said, “you know this is your baby.”

“ _Yes_.” Emphatic, no hesitation at all in answering. “That night in my office, right? The night of the party?”

Jensen blushed. “Yeah.”

“That makes you due in, what,” there was a pause while Jared did mental math. “A couple months?”

Jensen’s hand stroked over his stomach. “About. I’m 28 weeks now.”

“Why did you push me away, Jensen? Did I do something wrong?”

“You said you didn’t want kids, Jared.”

“What? No, I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did. After Dr. McCoy told us because of the scarring in my womb we might not be able to have kids. You said you didn’t want them anyway.”

“I said I wasn’t sure I wanted them. Not that it matters anyway. It was clearly the wrong thing to say, and not at all what I meant. You were putting so much pressure on yourself and it was tearing me up to see you so dejected each time a test came back negative. I never meant for you to think I didn’t want kids or that I wouldn’t be anything but thrilled that you were pregnant. I just wanted you to know that I’d love you regardless…still do.” Jared’s voice was like warm honey, soothing something deep in Jensen’s soul. Jared wanted their baby. 

He closed his eyes, felt a tear slip from beneath his lashes and trail down his cheek. All these months of angst and anger all because of a few misspoken, misunderstood, words. It would be funny if it wasn’t for the fact that that misunderstanding had nearly ended their marriage and shaken Jensen’s faith in Jared. 

“I love you too, Jared, but—”

“I know. I scared you. Trust me when I say I’m not like that. You know in your heart I’m not like that, and I’m going to do my damnedest to show you.”

 

After that they settled into a routine. Jared would call every night around nine and they would talk. It was a little like when they were dating. Back then they would talk to each other for hours about everything and sometimes nothing at all, just content to hear the other breathing. After each conversation Jensen felt the unease let go a little more. He found himself wondering how Jared looked, if he was taking proper care of himself. Jensen hoped so. Jared had a tendency to ignore things until they became unbearable. Stubborn bastard. It was Jared’s worst character trait, and had played a role in their estrangement, keeping his suspicions to himself, letting them build until they exploded out of him. 

“I’m hungry,” Jensen said apropos of nothing a couple of weeks into their nightly talks. 

“So eat,” Jared said a hint of laughter in his voice, before he turned serious. “You are eating all right, aren’t you?”

“Yeah. I’m practically a pig. Getting fat now, too.” Jensen was lying back on their bed, shirtless. He had noticed the beginnings of stretch marks the other day. Didn’t seem like the lotion he applied was doing much good in that department. 

“Not sure I believe that.”

“Well, you should. Anyway, what I want to eat I don’t got. I’m comfy, plus, my back and feet hurt too much to go out again.”

“Cravings?” Jared asked sounding cautious like he always did when the subject of Jensen’s pregnancy came up. Like he figured he didn’t have a right to ask about how Jensen was feeling or their daughter, which was pretty far from the truth.

“Yeah, came on me all at once. I’m starving for some French fries. Ugh, and strawberry ice cream and chocolate fudge sauce. Sounds _so good_.” Jensen was salivating. He might rethink that whole ‘not going out again’ thing. “What about you? Are you okay?”

“Yes, Mother, I’m fine.” Typical Jared response. “You know, Jensen, I have an early meeting tomorrow. I should get some sleep. I love you and I’ll call tomorrow.”

Jensen felt a pang. He didn’t want the conversation to end. “Okay. I love you, too, Jared. Sleep good.”

The line went silent and Jensen set his phone on the night stand and plugged it in to charge. He laid down on his side, shoved a pillow between his legs, and started to doze immediately.

The sound of the doorbell jerked back to consciousness, heart rate jacking up a notch in surprise. The clock said it was nearly one in the morning. He lumbered downstairs, intent on chewing his late-night guest a new one. Somebody better be dead or dying. Through the sheer curtains on the door he could make out the all too familiar shape of Jared’s tall lanky frame. His stomach did a happy flip and a smile turned up the corners of his mouth. He flipped the lock and opened the door. He hadn’t realized how much he needed to see his husband until he was standing in front of him. Jared looked a little pale and thinner than he should. Proof positive that, as Jensen suspected, he wasn’t taking care of himself. He had a couple of days worth of scruff on his face, and was dressed in an old t-shirt and ratty loose fitting jeans. He had a greasy bag from WhatABurger in one hand and plastic bag from Tom Thumb’s dangling from the other.

“Delivery!” He chirped with a guarded smile. “French fries and ice cream.” 

Jensen stepped forward and hugged him. A moment later Jared’s arms gently enfolded him. “I missed you so much, Jen,” his said in a choked whisper, arms tightening around Jensen. Then abruptly Jared pulled away.

“What?” Jensen asked in confusion. 

“Did…I don’t want to hurt the baby.”

Jensen grinned, reaching up to push Jared’s lank hair back from his face. “You’re not going to hurt her.”

Jared’s eyes misted as he gazed at Jensen’s growing belly. “Her,” he said softly.

They stared at each other, the delicious smell of the fries and whatever else Jared had in the bag reached his nostrils. His stomach growled. 

“You gonna come in and let me eat my food or not?” He moved aside to let Jared in. 

Jared put the ice cream in the freezer—Jensen had instructed Jared to leave the chocolate sauce—as Jensen took out the food from WhatABurger. Jared had gotten a couple burgers and four orders of fries.   
Jensen dove right in to those puppies. Dipping several in the fudge and stuffing them in his mouth, moaning at the starchy, rich, chocolaty goodness as he was hit with the semi-orgasmic feeling of having a craving satisfied. When Jared came back in Jensen’s cheeks were protruding like a chipmunks and Jared gave him a serious side-eye complete with forehead crinkles.

“Wha? Your daughter is hungry.” Except he was still chewing, so it sounded more like “Yur dutr uz hrgee.”

Jared smiled his sweet dimpled smile and sat beside Jensen, but not so close that they touched. He reached for a double cheeseburger and conversation was foregone as they ate their food, Jensen blissfully happy with his fries, was content to let Jared devour the burgers, which he did with gusto.

When they were done, Jared asked, “how is she?”

Jensen sat back, put his feet up on the coffee table. “Fine. Seems to like the accommodations. She’s moving more often.”

Jared was quiet for several moments. “What’s…what’s that feel like?”

“Incredible. Little like a tickle, but they are getting stronger.” He took Jared’s hand and laid it on his belly. Their daughter had been quiet today. Jensen hoped she would move so Jared could feel. “Come on, baby, Daddy is here. Give him a little kick.” A few moments passed and Jensen felt her move. He watched as Jared’s eyes widened with wonder as he felt it, too. 

“She…! She did it! That’s amazing!” Jared’s smile would make the sun look dim. “She’s healthy and everything?”

Jensen smiled. “Yeah. Dr. McCoy said everything looks real good.” Jensen paused, thinking. He licked his lips. “I have an appointment next week. You wanna come with me?”

Jared’s expression was as if Jensen had given him a fortune in diamonds. “Yes, very much.”

Jared arrived early to pick Jensen up for his OB/Andro appointment. He looked better, more color in his face, clean shaven, looking relaxed and suave in black slacks and a pale pink open-throated silk shirt showed off some of the hair on his chest and smelling yummy as ever. Jensen figured he would have passed the horny part of pregnancy, but Jared just revved his engines—always had. As Jensen climbed into the passenger seat of Jared’s Charger he saw his husband’s nostrils flare, picking up on the scent of Jensen’s interest. “You got a car seat?” Jensen said noticing the carrier positioned in the back seat.

“Well, yeah.” Jared shrugged. He closed the door and strode around to the driver’s side. He dropped into the seat, started the car. “Gonna need one when the baby comes.”

As Jared drove they talked about the goings on at Padalecki Advertising. The Kripke campaign had successfully launched, Lauren Cohan had finally approved the art for her company’s new cosmetics line, and Jeff Morgan’s J&J Insurance had signed with the company. Jensen was glad to hear that as he wasn’t sure he had made the best impression on the man and his partner during their meeting. Jared also informed him that Chad Murray had been named interim CFO wile Jensen was on paternity leave. While Jensen liked Chad well enough he thought he lacked the seasoning that came with the title. 

“Don’t worry, Jensen, I won’t let him get too comfortable in your office.” Jared winked as he turned into the parking lot of the clinic that housed Dr. McCoy’s practice. 

“Better not.”

Jared parked the car and shut off the engine. “Feels weird being here,” Jared said looking at the inconspicuous white building with the trickling fountain in front.

“Why? You’ve been here with me before.”

He shrugged. “Not in awhile. Your doctor is gonna think I’m a jerk who left you when you were pregnant…which I am I guess.” He sighed, a regretful sound and ran a hand through his hair.

“Extenuating circumstances, Jared.” He took Jared’s hand locking their fingers together.

The lines of tension around Jared’s eyes and mouth relaxed. He hesitated for a second before pressing a kiss to Jensen’s cheek, giving a shy smile. He looked so much like the boy Jensen had met and fallen in love with near a decade ago. It made Jensen’s heart quiver.

They entered the waiting area of Dr. McCoy’s office holding hands, shoulders brushing. There were two other couples, a male Beta and female Omega, and male Alpha and female Beta. Jensen recognized them but didn’t know their names. 

Jared signed Jensen in at reception while Jensen took a seat. He was grateful as his feet and ankles are starting to bother him more these days. As he sat down and started to thumb through a magazine the urge to pee hit him. That had also started happening more frequently. As bad as he needed to go he should probably wait. Dr. McCoy would most likely want a sample. 

Jared sat down beside Jensen, took his hand, thumb brushing across the bones of Jensen’s wrist. He slouched in the little chair. Jensen suppressed a smile, a little self conscious of being the tallest guy in the room. One long leg rested over the opposite knee. Jensen’s gaze drifted down to the crotch of Jared’s slacks, biting his lip at the soft bulge there. Oh God, if he kept staring he was gonna wind up with wet pants, he felt himself starting to slick up. He swallowed and tore his gaze away, noticed Jared staring at him, pupils widening.

“Jensen, you wanna come on back?” Sophia held the door open that lead back to the exam rooms.

Jensen pushed to his feet, that took a bit more effort now, and followed the nurse down the hall. “Don’t think we’ve met,” Sophia said smiling at Jared. She stopped at a scale, motioned for Jensen to get on.

“That’s my husband Jared.” Jensen stepped up on the scale.

Jensen stood on the scale watching as the number kept climbing. Soon he would be big as a house. He wondered if he would get his body back, the body he had worked so hard for, the body that turned Jared on. How would he have time to get back into shape with an infant daughter? He supposed other people did it and he could do it, too.

Sophia wrote down Jensen’s weight and they continued on to an exam room. With Jared’s help Jensen got situated on the exam tabled. As Jared took a seat on the small, uncomfortable-looking plastic chair, Dr. McCoy came in. 

“Ah, Mr. Padalecki, good to see you.” She extended a hand. 

Jared stood and shook it. “Thanks. Glad to be here.”

The doctor opened Jensen’s file, brown eyes skimming over his chart. “Seems like you’ve gained eight pounds since your last appointment.” There was a rending sound as she unfurled the blood pressure cuff. Jensen extended his arm and the room was quiet as his blood pressure was taken. 

“Blood pressure looks good,” Dr. McCoy said, the blood pressure valve hissing as the air was let out. “Lower than it has been.” Her gaze drifted over to Jared. “How have you been feeling? Any complaints?”

Jensen shook his head. “Nah. Just kinda tired and achy. Had heartburn the other day.”

“You put _chocolate sauce_ on _French fries_ , Jensen,” Jared interjected, face twisting in distaste.

“Shuddup. Was good.” He grinned. Fries sounded really good right about now.

Dr. McCoy was smiling a warm smile at their exchange. “Wanna lean back and lift up your shirt?”

Jensen did as instructed, feeling self-conscious about Jared seeing his belly. Jared’s expression was soft and fond as Dr. McCoy took a measurement of his swollen abdomen with a tape measure.

“What…” Jared’s voice was soft, uncertain. “What are you doing that for?”

“To track Fundal height. Keep track to see how your baby is growing and if it’s on schedule.”

“Is it…she?”

Dr. McCoy made a note in Jensen’s chart. “She is. Jensen is having a very typical pregnancy. Now we’re going to take a peek.”

Jared’s face lit with joy. He stood and took Jensen’s hand as Dr. McCoy powered up the ultrasound. She squeezed the clear gel on Jensen’s stomach and spread it with the transducer. For once Jensen was not looking at the monitor as his daughter came into focus. He watched Jared, watched his mouth fall open and eyes mist in wonder as he saw their daughter for the first time and her rapid heartbeat filled the room. Jensen squeezed his hand as a wave of guilt washed over him. He had deprived Jared of so many little moments like this. He thought of the baby book he had been keeping with all the sonogram pictures in it. He would show that to Jared.

“What are you looking for?”

Dr. McCoy was quiet as she moved the transducer around. “Heart rate is within normal rage, and strong. This is the placenta,” she indicated an oval blob on the monitor, “this is the umbilical cord. Both look normal, no twisting or anything. This is her head and you can see her hands and legs. She seems to be sleeping right now.”

“Sleeping?” Jared asked.

“Yes. At this age babies wake and sleep regularly. Are you keeping track of her movements, Jensen?”

“Only started to.”

“It’s important he do that?” Jared asked, eyes still glued to the ultrasound monitor.

“It is. Changes in sleep/wake cycles and differences in mobility tendencies could be the sign of a compromised baby.”

“And Jensen’s fine?”

“I’m right here, Jared.” Jensen said, in a tone of amusement.

“I was a little worried about his blood pressure being elevated these past few months, but its back down to normal now and none of his urine tests indicate gestational diabetes or protein spillage. He and your baby are very healthy. Are there any other questions I can answer for either of you?”

Jensen shook his head. “I can’t seem to think of any,” Jared said.

Dr. McCoy handed Jensen the sonogram picture and powered down the machine. “You’re in the home stretch now, Jensen. Make sure you have a birth plan and that Jared, or any other person you want with you, knows it, and pack your things for the hospital. I’d like to get a urine sample and you’re free to go, but I want to see you back in three weeks. As you get closer to your due date I’ll want to see you every week.”

After the appointment Jensen made Jared stop at a WhatABurger for more or their awesome fries. Jared watched equal parts disgusted and fascinated as Jensen dipped his fries into his chocolate shake.

“Don’t judge. Your daughter wants what she wants.” Jensen stuffed more of the fries into his mouth, chewing contentedly. “Do you have to get back to work right away? I have something I’d like to show you.”

“Sure. I cleared my schedule today.” 

Jensen got another order of fries to go and Jared drove them back to the house. 

He swung his Charger into the driveway and put it in park. After killing the engine, he helped Jensen out of the car and into the house.

“I’m gonna get something from upstairs. Wait for me on the couch.”

“’Kay.” Jared kissed his cheek before he left the foyer and went into the living room. 

Jensen climbed the steps and went into their bedroom to retrieve their daughter’s baby book. When he came back downstairs Jared was sprawled on the couch with casual elegance. He had turned the television on and cracked a beer. Jensen watched him for a few moments. He missed Jared’s presence in the house, in his life. Sometimes Jensen thought he was ready to ask Jared to come back home. He wasn’t sure what was holding him back. A stupid misunderstanding, a few misspoken words, and one angry outburst in near a decade hardly seemed worth all the angst. That outburst had badly shaken Jensen’s faith in Jared and he was rebuilding it. In a way it was like falling in love all over again—not that he had ever fallen out of love with Jared, more like falling deeper. He remembered all the things he loved about him: his keen intelligence, his wicked sense of humor, his penchant for mischief, his over-attachment to fictional characters, even his off-key but passionate singing. 

Jensen came into the living room and Jared’s face lit up with that beautiful dimpled smile. Jensen sat beside him, thigh to shoulder. He laid the book on their legs and opened it. He was silent as Jared flipped through the pages. The first part of the book was like a pregnancy diary where Jensen wrote his complaints, his hopes, and fears. Every sonogram picture so far was inside, along with the date and time and the baby’s vital information. 

“I’ve missed so much.” Jared touched the last sonogram picture, voice soft, hurt. 

“I know, and I’m sorry.”

“We’re both at fault. I thought I was saying the right thing, but I fucked up big time.”

“I shouldn’t have hid it from you.” They had suffered one hell of a communication breakdown, but Jensen was hopeful they could move past it now. He breathed in, smelling Jared’s shampoo and citrusy cologne but underneath was the musky scent of his Alpha. His gaze shifted to Jared’s mouth, so pink and soft-looking. It had been months since he’d felt them pressed against his own. His heart jumped up into his throat as he leaned in. He shouldn’t be doing this. Their relationship was in limbo, not back together but not estranged either, but Jensen wanted a taste of what used to be and would be again.

“Jen?”

“I’mma kiss you.” He informed and pressed his lips to Jared’s in a sweet kiss. 

Jensen cupped Jared’s cheek, gently tilted his head to deepen the kiss. Tongue licking over the seam of Jared’s lips. Jared groaned, a helpless sound, and opened his mouth to Jensen’s tongue. Their tongues slid together slow and lazy at first, but turning wet, messy, and urgent. Jensen’s cock grew hard and he began to leak slick. Jared’s arms came around him, Jensen sank into him. He worked a hand beneath Jared’s shirt, fingers playing with the patch of hair covering his chest.

Jared broke the kiss, panting, eyes dark with desire. He unbuttoned his shirt and stripped out of it. Jensen moaned at the sight of that gently tanned skin and the lean powerful muscles of his arms and chest. Their mouths met in another heated kiss. Jensen’s hands roamed all across Jared’s shoulders and back, down his arms. Jared kissed along Jensen’s jaw, down his throat, nuzzled Jensen’s neck, kissing the spot near his ear that always made Jensen shiver.

“Smell so good, baby. Are you slick? Bet you are.” Jared’s voice was a dark molasses drawl curling around Jensen. His hand moved over Jensen’s belly in a soothing caress. “Look so gorgeous like this.” 

Jared slid onto the floor on his knees, spread Jensen’s legs with his shoulders. He palmed the swell of Jensen’s belly, pushed up his shirt, and pressed kisses to the skin. “My baby growing in you, getting big and strong. She’s gonna be beautiful, Jensen. Like you.”

Jensen suppressed a smile, laced his fingers through Jared’s hair. “You’re not so bad yourself.” 

“Nah. I’m big and clumsy. You are lithe, graceful, and beautiful. She’ll be like you.” Jared’s hands went to the button and zipper of Jensen’s jeans. He looked up at Jensen hunger and need in his gaze. How he could look at Jensen like that while Jensen was so big was beyond him. He inhaled, Jared’s musky scent of arousal spiked Jensen’s blood. “Can I, Jen, baby? Can I taste you?”

Jensen’s heart thumped triple time in his chest. He bit his lip, nodded, as heat washed over him.

Jared’s fingers made quick work of his button and fly. Jensen lifted his hips and Jared tugged his jeans and underwear. He wasted no time, gripping the base of Jensen’s aching hard cock and taking him deep, sucking in long slow strokes, tongue dragging across the crown, teasing the slit, before swallowing him back down.

Jensen didn’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones or because he had missed Jared’s so much, but when Jensen shot, he went off like a rocket. His body locked up. His mouth fell open on a loud cry, pleasure more intense than anything he has ever felt before zinged through him, Jared swallowed everything Jensen had to give. 

When he came back to himself Jared had his cock out, squeezing the knot with one hand while the other was a blur as it moved over his length. Jensen was wrung out, blissed out, limp as a cooked noodle, or he would help. He watched Jared pleasure himself, gazes locked, Jared’s eyes dark. “Say my name, Jen,” Jared panted, staring at Jensen with unabashed lust. “Say my name.”

“Jared,” Jensen whispers. 

Jared came with a shuddering groan. Ropes of hot sticky jizz splashed up his chest and neck, flowing over his hand dripping down his wrist. He kept cumming, each burst subsequently weaker until he was dry, knot still swollen. 

“You okay?” Jared asked, tucking his semi-hard cock away.

Jensen sighed, nodded. “Mmm-hmm.” He felt relaxed and heavy with sleep. He heard the clink of Jared’s belt buckle, rasp of the zipper as Jared put himself back together. He sat next to Jensen, arm around his shoulders. Jensen laid his head on Jared’s shoulder and closed his eyes, listening to his breathing. The scent of musk, semen, and sweat strong but comforting because it belonged to Jared. Sweet and patient Jared, the one who had shown him how good it could be to be taken by an Alpha, that an Alpha could be patient and tender, and teach him that not all Alphas were jerks. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask Jared to say, to come back home, but before he could, Jared lifted him off the couch, bridal style.

“Whoa!” Jensen exclaimed, the strength of the Alpha catching him by surprise. “What are you doing?”

“Putting you to bed before you pass out on the couch.” Not sounding the least bit strained as he ascended the stairs. “Not sleepin’ on the couch.”

“Wasn’t sleepin’. Was restin’ my eyes,” he argued but it wasn’t the truth. He tired easily these days and that orgasm had taken it out of him. He could do with a good sleep.

Jared just gave a low laugh.

He laid Jensen in the middle of their big bed, got him out of his clothes and into a pair of soft sleep pants. Jensen glanced at the clock, it was still early.

“I’ll call tomorrow. Night, Jensen.” Jared kissed him softly on the mouth and tucked the blankets around him before he departed.

Jensen’s mood was foul as he trudged down the stairs. Some asshole was leaning on the fucking doorbell. The fucking chimes echoed though the house like Big fucking Ben, and it was barely seven o’clock in the goddamn morning. Despite being tired as hell most days he was having trouble sleeping, a combination of bad dreams and not able to get comfortable, and having to piss every damn hour. Jensen was due in five weeks and he was _sick_ of being pregnant. 

When he reached the door, that damn stairway seemed to be getting steeper and longer every day, he wrenched it open, intent on kicking whoever’s ass up between their shoulders. Who he saw on the other side of the door were a few somebodies. Jared was grinning and behind him stood Jason, along with Tom and Mike Welling. Jensen exhaled, mouth falling open in surprise. Jason had moved to Huston after college, but he and Jensen stayed in regular contact, but it had been years since he had seen Tom and Mike. They had moved out to LA when Tom went to Med school and Mike had followed him. 

“Oh my God!” He reached out and hugged Jason. 

“Jen-sen!” Mike howled and reached forward to embrace him.

“I can’t believe it,” Jensen said flabbergasted hugging his old friend. Jensen and Jason hung around Tom and Mike less and less as they entered junior high and on to high school. The two Omegas naturally quiet dispositions were just not compatible with the two Alphas, but they remained cordial and stayed in touch with them through the occasional email and Facebook. He knew Tom was a cardiologist at UCLA Medical and Mike was an architect. They had been married for six years and had two adopted children, but seeing them again was incredible.

“How are you?” Tom asked giving Jensen a gentle hug after Mike.

“Pregnant.”

“Kinda hard to miss that,” Mike quipped patting Jensen’s belly.

“What are ya’ll doing here?” Jensen asked. He couldn’t keep the huge smile off his face.

“Ask your husband. He kidnapped us from the airport,” Mike said.

“He arranged for us to come visit you,” Tom said, putting an arm around Mike’s shoulders. “But he didn’t tell us what we were going to be doing.”

Everyone turned their attention to Jared, who had been standing back from the four friends while they got reacquainted.

“Well, Jen is due soon and I wanted him to have one last awesome day out before our daughter comes. Y’all are going to Austin to the Milk + Honey Spa and Salon for the works. And after you’re gonna have a private lunch at Flemings Steakhouse.” They turned as the heard an approaching engine. A stretch Lincoln MKT pulled to a stop out front. “Chauffeured in luxury, of course. All you have to do is relax and have a good time with your friends. I know you’d probably rather hit the links or do some boating but Dr. McCoy advised against it.”

“Are you coming with us?” Jensen asked.

Jared shook his head. “Nah. I have some things here to take care of. I want you to have the best time, okay?”

 

Jensen arrived back home just after four in the afternoon, tired but in high spirits. He had been pampered to a pulp at the spa. He had gotten an awesome prenatal massage that actually helped alleviate some of his back pain, a manicure and pedicure, a facial, and even got a haircut and style, shaved up the back and sides but spiked on top with blond highlights. He felt like a new man. The private lunch at Flemings Steakhouse had been fantastic and he had even indulged in a small glass of wine. It was like old times with Jason, Tom, and Mike, joking and ribbing each other. 

Jensen entered the house to find Jared sacked out on the sofa. It didn’t bother Jensen that he was here, this was Jared’s home as well and Jensen had already decided that he was going to ask Jared to come home. He waddled over to the couch and gazed down at his husband who looked exhausted. His lips were parted slightly, chest rising and falling in deep even breaths, features relaxed. Jensen’s brows knitted in a frown as he saw splatters of something in Jared’s hair. He reached out to touch, investigate, but Jared’s eyes blinked open.

“Oh, hey.” He sat up stifling a yawn, stretching. “I’m lovin’ this sassy haircut,” Jared, stood, reached out and ran his fingers through what was left of Jensen’s hair. “That blond is workin’ for you. You look hot, Jensen. So you had a nice time?”

Jensen felt _light years_ away from hot but when Jared said it Jensen couldn’t help but believe it. “It was awesome, Jared. Thank you so much. Being with the guys was so much fun. I hadn’t realized how much I missed them.”

Jared had a faint blush coloring his cheeks. “I was happy to do it, but I’m afraid it was a ruse. I needed you out of the house for a few hours while I worked on the _real_ surprise.”

A huff of incredulous laughter escaped Jensen. “What?” If that wasn’t the real surprise he couldn’t imagine what was.

Jared took Jensen’s had and led him to the stairs. “What did you do?” Jensen was a little short of breath as he climbed the stairs, and it felt like their daughter was doing a little jig on Jensen’s bladder. 

Jared didn’t answer, smiled mysteriously and stopped in front of the door to the spare room. “Hope you like it,” he said and pushed the door open. 

Jensen was struck dumb for the second time that day. On numb legs he crossed the threshold and stepped into the room—nursery. The walls were soft buttery yellow with decals of baby Winnie the Pooh characters playing with blocks on one wall, a matching border running around the center of the wall and a big, stuffed Winnie the Pooh bear sat in the corner. The carpet was a plush eggshell white and so soft Jensen wanted to take his shoes off and squish his toes in the deep pile. There was a gorgeous cherry wood crib, with matching changing table, dresser, armoire, and rocking chair.

“You did this all this today?”

“I had someone come in and install the carpet, but otherwise…yeah. I saw that you had bought some bedding stuff and ran with that theme. Is it too much? Did I overstep?”

Jensen swallowed thickly. “No. It’s perfect. _Everything_ is perfect. It’s exactly what I wanted.” 

Jensen walked over to the dresser and opened a drawer. Inside neatly folded were all the little clothes Jensen had bought. The changing table was stocked with diapers, wipes, a wipe warmer, baby oil, powder, and diaper rash cream. There were packages and packages of diapers, bottles, formula, pacifiers, nipples, teething rings, four other sets of sheets were neatly stored in the armoire. He sat down in the rocking chair, petting his belly. He couldn’t believe Jared had done all this. Jensen had been starting to stress about not having the nursery ready in time for the baby’s arrival and now everything was taken care of and perfect.

“This looks like the stuff I picked out a Babies R Us but it’s not quite the same,” Jensen noted.

“I’m sure Babies R Us offers nice furniture, but my daughter gets only the best, and this is the best. That crib will even turn into a toddler bed when its time.” 

Jensen didn’t want to think how much Jared might have spent furnishing the nursery. It didn’t matter. What mattered was the meaning behind the gesture. Jensen got to his feet, with some effort. “Jare, I miss you so much and I want you to come back home before the baby is born.”

“To stay?” Jared asked, resting a hand on Jensen’s big belly, their daughter kicking and punching her approval.

Jensen nodded. “To stay.”


	6. Chapter 6

May 2nd, 2015 

Arya Daenerys Padalecki was three today. The big backyard was filled with laughter and shouts of children. Jared and Jensen had bought their five bedroom home when their daughter was six months old. Sometimes Jensen missed the old three bedroom Tudor, but as their family grew they needed a bigger house. Jensen had balked at Jared wanting to name their child after _Game of Thrones_ characters, but Jared countered that naming their daughter after two strong women would be fitting. In the end Jensen acquiesced. A not too small part of him felt that allowing Jared to choose their daughter’s name would make up for cheating him out of sharing the milestones of Jensen’s pregnancy. Besides that though, Jared did have a point. Jensen did want his daughter to grow up to be a strong woman, and the names were pretty, just like their daughter. With her voluminous dark hair, cat-like blue-green eyes, and dimples she was the spitting image of Jared, except for her mouth and freckles, those she got from Jensen.

Jensen watched as his and Jared’s foster son, a sixteen year old Beta boy named Colin, gave the birthday girl a piggy back ride. Jared had approached Jensen about the possibility of fostering not too long after Arya was born. Jared was a great father—as Jensen always knew he would be—Jensen had been on board with the idea. They had taken Colin into their home soon after. He remembered the withdrawn, sullen boy who had first come to them, a shadow of the bright energetic boy he was now. It was Jared and Jensen’s hope that they would be allowed to adopt Colin. They had gone through the application process, but had yet to know if they were approved. Jensen saw no reason why they shouldn’t be. Colin was safe, loved, and thriving in their home. 

“Hey, Dad,” Colin said approaching holding Arya’s hand. Her party dress was stained with dirt and grass. Colin had started calling him and Jared both Dad a few months ago, when they told him they wanted to adopt him, and it never failed to make Jensen smile. “Squirt wants her cake.”

“Cake, Daddy!” Arya squealed bouncing up and down. 

“You seen your other Dad?” Jensen asked looking around for Jared. He saw Jeff and his wife, their children. Jason his husband and their two children, Tom and Mike and their sons had even flown in. Jared and Jensen’s parents were there as well, along with Jensen’s brother Josh and his wife Ally. But no Jared.

“Think I saw him go inside a few minutes ago.”

“I’ll run in and see what’s keeping him.”

Jensen crossed the yard and entered the kitchen though the sliding glass doors. The Winnie the Pooh ice cream cake was on the counter, but Jared was nowhere to be seen. He did hear him singing softly through the baby monitor. Jensen headed upstairs to their four month old son’s nursery. Jensen had unexpectedly gotten pregnant with him, but he was a very welcome addition to the Padalecki family. Jensen entered the room to see Jared swaying back and forth with Tyrion Eddard Padalecki cradled in his arms. Jensen’s heart was so full of love it made his chest ache.

Jared pressed his index finger to his lips before placing the infant in his crib. They crept out of the room and closed the door behind them.

“Ty needed to be changed. How’s things outside?”

“Arya has decreed it is time for cake.”

Jared grinned, his beard hiding his dimples. His well manicured-well maintained beard was a new acquisition. He started growing it when Jensen was pregnant with Ty. Jared said it made him look more fatherly. Jensen said it made him look like Jesus and proceeded to worship him accordingly and often, so the beard stayed.

“Better see that she gets it.”

They headed downstairs. Jared picked up the cake and Jensen took the baby monitor. As they headed back outside Jared’s phone trilled in his pocket. He set the cake down, and fished his phone out. 

“Jen…its social services.”

Jensen swallowed, heart speeding up. “Colin!” He shouted outside and waved the boy over.

Colin trotted across the yard and the flagstone patio, into the kitchen. “What’s up?”

“Social Services,” Jensen answered, voice rough. Colin and Jensen exchanged a meaningful glance. Out in the yard, Arya had been distracted from the lack of cake by a game with her cousins Logan and Levi, Josh’s sons.

“Yes, thank you very much,” Jared said smiling. Jensen took that as a good sign. “Not a problem. Thanks for calling.” Jared’s cell beeped as he ended the call. He exhaled, face lighting up. “We got him. He’s ours.”

All three shouted in exaltation. Jared and Jensen hugged their son. Just a few signatures on some papers and he would belong to them legally. He was theirs in their hearts, and had been since his first night in their house. Jared never even entertained the thought that they wouldn’t be allowed to adopt Colin, but Jensen hadn’t been able to keep quite so positive. Always afraid they would find something during the home inspections or in their backgrounds (particularly his own) that would keep them from adopting Colin.

“Let’s not make a big deal of it,” Colin said but his smile was as big as Jensen had ever seen. “It’s the Squirt’s day after all.”

Jared ruffled the teenager’s shaggy blond hair. “Good man.”

“Dad, stop!” Colin dodged Jared. “Parents!” he muttered shaking his head and returning to his sister’s party.

Jensen sighed and looked out at the yard filled with their family and friends and their children. Arya squealed as Colin picked her up and put her on his shoulders. She flung her arms out like airplane wings and whooped as Colin ran raced around charging after the other children.

Jared flung an arm around him pulled him close. “We’re parents.” His voice was soft and fond. 

Jensen leaned into Jared’s side, smiled. Parents. And it felt great.


End file.
